Hey, Brother.
Don’t make a huge mistake this weekend.
I’m gonna blue all over myself, and I can’t fucking wait.
The Motto Of My Generation.
YOLO, really? That’s all you got?
Fuck that. We did it better, kiddies.
Rufio and the Lost Boys judge you and your acronyms.
The Evolution Of Eating.
My how times have changed.
This is the way teenagers eat these days.
This is the way I ate food as a teenager, and still proudly do to this day.
My food isn’t meant to be remembered with Instagram and Facebook, it’s meant to be muthafucking devoured. It’s hard enough waiting until everyone has their food in front of them. My fork…it talks to me…it seduces me. And then it’s in my hand and I can’t stop.
The thought of taking a picture is the furthest thing from my head when it comes to food.
Besides, Pinterest is a slutfaced bitch. YOU TEASE ME SO.
You Shall Not Pass, Asshole.
Yea. Good luck trying to cut this guy off.
Can’t you just imagine it being a stick shift? But the stick being a mothafucking STAFF.
That Honda has been through so much. I hope the white shores provide you with great garage space. You deserve nothing less, good sir.
I Laughed Way Too Hard At This.
Leo just does it for me, you guys.
He could squint through my soul if I broke down my guard long enough to believe he would’ve survived the Titanic if James Cameron wasn’t such a fucking asshole.
I become more and more easily amused with age. It’s awesome. You should get on board, if you’re not already farting and giggling in the bathtub with me.
In other news, the technology known as captcha (that test-looking thing that verifies you’re not a robot) has caught onto our human tendencies.
Hey, if Wall-E taught us anything, it’s that technology will make us fat and boring. This little guy is really doing us all a favor.
Good lookin’ out, captcha.
I hate you.
It Does Exist.
And here people always thought I was being indecisive.
The whole time, I knew what I was doing.
I usually have the What do you wanna eat? I don’t care burger with a What do you wanna drink? I don’t care beer.
Never Underestimate The Power Of A Folding Chair.
Who needs a gun when you can get the job done with a MUTHAFUCKING FOLDING CHAIR.
BAAYUM – dickface.
This is the greatest checkout of all time.
Let’s Play, “Which Seat Should I Take?”
This is a fun game to break down barrier lines and really question the important aspects of humanity: what seat in the car do you want to take?
I choose the seat next to the fine gentleman in the back sporting a pacifier. He seems totally legit, because why are we taught to stop sucking on a pacifier anyway? I like that he’s challenging the stereotype.
In other news,
HOLY FUCK THAT IS ALL.
Lannisters Always Pay Their Debts.
So how much do we think they owe us for creating Joffrey?
Besides the complete fucking ICK factor, this shitty boy king is basically the poster child against incest.
Pedos Who Serve The Lord.
Ignorance is the devil’s work, I tell ya.
You really couldn’t have run this by someone?
The tagline is doing you no favors, because:
- There should be a comma between “Lord” and “One.” So let’s just get that out of the way.
- You didn’t have to capitalize every. single. word. It’s quoted, so write normally.
- None of the above even matters because your website reads SWEET TOOTH PEDO.
I just hope the Sweet Tooth Pedo is located next to The Joint chiropractic place in the background there.
This shopping center is turning out to be wildly intriguing. What’s next? Finger Bang, the gynecologist center.
