I tend to have a love/hate relationship in terms of television shows. On the one hand, I LOVE THEM. I love looking forward to something new each week, be it a budding romance, answers to a cliffhanger, or what kind of trouble my favorite fictional friends are getting into this time around. On the other hand, they kinda ruin my life because I CAN’T STOP WATCHING THEM. And when there’s that break between seasons, I get drug withdrawals. I blame this solely on having been a gigantic fan of the show LOST. God, they were the worst. Constantly leaving me on the edge, especially during season finales. But there I was, each week – plugging in my TV IV. Just…soooooo good.
These days, I try to limit the amount of television I invest myself in, mainly because if I fed my appetite for good shows, I’d have no time for stuff like laundry, showering, or giving my boyfriend or friends some attention. So this is for the best, dearest television, I will keep you at bay.
That being said, I do love to keep up with some personal favorites. Thus, I’m forcing my opinion on you, world. Watch these 5 shows and be satisfied with your television consumption.
1. Parks & Recreation
Ron ****ing Swanson. This is literally the greatest show on TV at this moment in time. Okay so maybe it’s on break, so not at this EXACT moment, but when it’s divine characters come back in September to grace us all with their hilarious and magnificent presence, even God will be tuning in. Amy Poehler, Nick Offerman, Chris Pratt, Rashida Jones, Adam Scott, Aubrey Plaza, Rob Lowe, Aziz Anzari & Co. are on top of their game. Each character offers up something different, yet something relatable. They actually seem like real-life people. They work in the Parks Department of a little Indiana town, for Christ’s sake. While most shows make you wish you lived a grander life, Parks & Recreation makes you feel pretty darn good for living the average life you already have. As long as you’ve got really nice, quirky, nerdy, and genuine people around you, the world is your park to play in!
2. Project Runway
There is no reality show better than Project Runway. (Except maybe So You Think You Can Dance, but as a previous dancer that goes without saying.) What is so great about PR, you ask? EVERYTHING. This is all you could ever want out of a dramedy reality show. You’ve got an eclectic bunch of hipsters who are actually insanely talented with a sewing machine and a sketch pad, throw them all in one room to stare and judge each other and their designs, then make them send these pieces on a runway to be judged by MICHAEL KORS, Heidi Klum, Nina Garcia, and a random celeb that doesn’t give a fuck, and you have reality show gold, people. GOLLLLLLD. PR is some of the greatest entertainment you’ll ever see, because you can be your own critic at home and scream and yell at the TV when shit hits the fans. And it always hits the fan. The last 5 seasons haven’t been nearly as awesome as the first, but it’s still quality stuff. It’s just too damn fun to watch a bunch of divas flaunting their egos in one room. The death stares are priceless and the crying confessionals are marvelous. That might make me sound cold-hearted, but let me tell you – these bitches be cray-cray.
3. United Stats of America
For the inner nerd in us all. And of course, this show would be hosted by TWINS who are also comedians. What are the odds?! LOLOL! Each episode, Randy and Jason Sklar go around America and research, test, and theorize about random stats that are true about this wonderful country of ours. Such as, why was the average American way shorter during the 1800s than today? Sooooooo nerdy, right?! And yet, you can’t stop watching ’cause you start thinking, holy shit – why ARE we taller now? What have we been eating, drinking, doing that’s so different from our ancestors? And then you’re sucked in. For the next hour. You don’t know where the remote is and neither do you care. FUCK YOU COMMERCIAL! Where the hell did you come from? Plus, they do all these fun graphics on screen that makes you realize the History Channel can’t be that bad after all. And sometimes you can’t tell the difference between Randy or Jason, so you start betting yourself in your head which one is which. If that makes me a loser, I don’t want to be a winner.
4. Wicked Tuna
This is a show about bluefin tuna fisherman in Gloucester, MA and it’s fucking awesome. There are numerous boat crews and they basically bust each others’ balls every show and try to out-fish everyone. None of them are cute, they’re all grubby and constantly smoking, but when one of them has a tuna on the line, SHIT GETS REAL. The process of reeling in a bluefin tuna is insane, especially since these fish can exceed 1000lbs. You quickly realize there’s an art to catching these gigantic tunas, and when one guy fucks up, a crapload of money goes down to Davy Jones locker. But the payoff? These guys can make their entire yearly income from fishing in 11 weeks. That’s INSANE. And of course, everyone hates Dave who does the best (“‘Ol sneaky Dave!”). And they’re always giving each other fake locations so then people get pissed, cuss and swear, and bitterly chop up chum. It’s incredibly entertaining. And then when they have a tuna on the line, the drama music kicks in but you never know if they’re going to make the catch until the happy music cuts in. And before you know it, your heart’s pounding for these crazy Bostonians. Who knew tuna fishing was so good? Oh that Charlie!
Every life situation can be pin-pointed to an episode of Friends. Go ahead and test my theory on that. Yes, this show is over but it’s never gone. Thank you, Nick-At-Nite, for making me feel simultaneously ecstatic and old. But I really don’t need to go on about why people should watch Friends. It’s like trying to convince someone that breathing is good. ‘Nuff said.