10 Funny Gifs for Your Friday

Quick PSA: Don’t watch these while drinking soda, water, juice, beer, or anything else good in this world. Not unless you’ve been wanting to get yourself a new computer for a while.

 

casually walking around

 

Alpaca eating apple

 

It was you

 

Sour patch Morgul Lord lotr

 

Dog peeing on two legs

 

bulldog falling asleep

 

cat jump fail

 

insensitive bus plows through traffic

 

 

15 Hilarious Celeb GIFs

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Jesus Never Wanted a Party System, He Just Wanted to Party.

Yesterday, I was looking through a post on Buzzfeed with pictures taken from the Curiosity rover on Mars. My mind was going crazy trying to comprehend the fact that these images are from another planet, a real planet, and not something created for a movie that was filmed in Utah, Arizona, or somewhere in the Middle East. It’s an insanely huge deal that the brilliant minds of NASA have landed an object on Mars. How mindblowingly awesome is that?! Super mindblowingly awesome, that’s what.

Then I kept scrolling to the user comment section and was hit with a bunch of God-haters who took this scientifically spectacular accomplishment and decided to make it a science versus faith thing. Stuff like “Science rules, God drools” and “Religion can suck it” were commented, liked, and hurrah-ed. What I don’t get is, why does one immediately feel the need to bash God over a scientific breakthrough? How come science and faith have to be separate, black and white, choosing sides? And then I remembered why.

 

POLITICS.

 

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I sincerely believe this country’s politics have single-handedly fucked up everyone’s idea of religion. From the too conservative to the too liberal, the notion of God has become an argument of good versus evil, smart versus stupid, love versus hate – all of which are the opposite of what faith in God is really all about. But apparently it’s become internet-savvy to be an atheist and bitch out anyone who might mention religion in the slightest. That’s not to say they’re the really annoying ones. The other side of the spectrum are bible-thumpers who are treating people the exact same way but using the words of the Bible as a means to talk shit about people. Do both extremes realize they’re being total dicks? Probably not, because they’re too caught up in needing to hate the other side. So where is the middle ground?

Personally, I am a proud woman of faith. I believe in God, pray to God, and have – what I believe is – a strong relationship with the almighty man upstairs. But it’s on my terms, something I’ve built for myself through experience and faith searching. And it’s far from complete because shit happens every day, and every day we’re tested. But my faith has gotten me through the roughest times of my life, and for that I am eternally thankful. I know someone is looking out for me and that everything happens for a reason. My faith is what restores my hopelessness whenever I feel beat down. So with it, I am stronger, optimistic, and steadfast. An atheist might knock me down on this idea, calling me weak because I’m not dealing with it “on my own.” Or, my favorite dispute, when bad things happen in the world and they beg the question “WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?!?!” You know who you look like? Those crazy people on the side of the road with signs that read “GOD HATES FAGS.” Everyone is trying to beat down each other, maybe hoping the other side caves. It’s exhausting. The same thing, over and over. I’ve never seen so much unwarranted hate. McKayla is not impressed, people.

I mean, why can’t more people be like Good Guy Greg?

Those who hate religion do so for the obvious reason. The super uber religious people impose their beliefs on everyone else, judging others for life decisions they don’t agree with. To quote Debbie/Leslie Mann from Knocked Up (how ironic, huh?): “You’re not God!”  And, ya know what, she’s right. The overzealous religious folk need to lay the fuck off and let people experience life, because that’s the only way people can discover faith. On their own. I would’ve never known the strength of my faith if I hadn’t hit rock bottom first. And, hey, WWJD, right? Jesus loved the prostitutes, lepers, and poor people and gave them a chance to believe without judging them for being whores, sick, or lazy. Quit hating and start embracing people for who they are, because they will notice your optimism, your happiness, and the positive way you live your life. They will take notice that you are a God-fearing individual and they’ll remember you were kind and caring because of it.

As I type, Curiosity roams Mars and, in my eyes, this outstanding accomplishment is even more reason to believe in a higher power. IT’S ANOTHER FUCKING PLANET. Living people were blessed and chosen with the ability to engineer a brilliant science to create this rover, along with other gifted people who sent it out there. Yes, science is fucking amazing! We’re exploring the fucking universe, people! And you know what else that means? God is cool, too.

10 Celebrities That Should Be My Best Friend

I can’t wait for all ten of these celebrities to read this blog and reach out to me for drinks and Cranium. I’m pretty good at the humdingers, just so you know my strengths ahead of time.

1.  Amy Poehler

I think it’s finally about time we met and made up voices and became best friends. Also, as Mrs. Will Arnett (EDIT: Noooooooooooooooooooo! 😦 😦 😦 ), she recently said this in an article: “I had no idea how to get guys to notice me. I still don’t. Who cares?” Plus, being BFFs with Amy would introduce me to more SNL ladies I love, like Tina Fey, Kristen Wiig, and Maya Rudolph. Full win.

2.  Will Ferrell

OMG we’d have so much fun. And we’d post our shenanigans on Funny or Die.

3.  Lauren Graham

I think every woman my age has always wanted to be BFFs with Lorelei Gilmore, amiright?

4.  Robert Downey, Jr.

He’s like the fun uncle everyone dreams of having (except my friend Jess who wants to be his Nicole Kidman). I just…sooooo want to be in his circle of friends and draw pictures of gatos with him. And I want to convince him to do a Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang sequel. Or at least do 100 more movies with a chubby Val Kilmer. Plus he’s Tony Stark, so…duh.

5.  Jennifer Aniston

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Yes. She can teach me the secret wonder of her perfect fucking hair.

6.  Conan O’Brien

Because our brains are connected. I’m most certain of this. Plus, we’re pale pals.

7.  Jim Carrey

I have always wanted to know Jim Carrey. If there’s one person on this earth who could actually kill me of laughter, it would be this guy. So maybe we shouldn’t meet…but what a way to go, huh?

8.  Emma Stone

Because I’m pretty sure we’re the same person.

9.  Ryan Gosling

Best friends, lovers…whatev.

10.  Bill Murray

The end.

(Stupid) Joke of the Day

It’s Tuesday and you might be feeling a tad uptight. Why? Because it’s only Tuesday. Well here’s a little break in your day where you manage to suppress an embarrassed laugh at your computer because you can’t believe this lame ass joke got you a little bit.

 

During a freezing winter night, a Scotsman walks into his living room and says to his wife, “I’m going to the pub. Get your coat on.”

 

Pleasantly surprised, the wife says, “Oh, honey, are you taking me out for a nice evening?”

 

The Scotsman replies, “No, I’m turning off the heat.”

 

A Case of the Dooneese Mondays

Ever have one of those days where you wake up and kind of feel like Eunice Dooneese?

You don’t feel like shit, you just feel super awkward about dressing yourself, doing your hair, and using your hands in any way.

The plus side is, once you realize you woke up feeling like Eunice Dooneese, you immediately want to play with bubbles and make other people feel uncomfortable and maybe chase cars and stuff. After all, Eunice is one of the funniest characters of the past 10 years on SNL, so really – waking up feeling like Eunice Dooneese is the coolest thing that has ever happened to me.

Okay, I’m totally convinced. I may be having one of those typical Monday mornings, but at least I’m smiling about it now. BEHOLD – strong, confident, mischievous, squirrel-loving Eunice emerges!!!

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Watch out Monday – it’s on.

Silence Dogood: Live Simpler, Live Happier

I was recently chatting with my friend about other peoples’ excesses, and it dawned on me how much I cherish my own simplicity. A world of riches frightens me, in a way, because I love who I am while having just enough. I might go shopping here and there, but being with Mike, around my friends, playing games, being outside and throwing a ball around, window shopping, and sitting around talking about the next radical topic of conversation is absolute perfection.

The other day, Mike and I were lounging on the couch with the TV shut off and the window open, just silently listening to sounds. We just literally sat there, in the most comfortable silence. After a long day of chatter and writing and work, I didn’t even realize I wanted this moment. But it fell upon us and we both relished in it. At one point, Mike said to me, “I’m not thinking about anything, I just want to sit here with you and not talk for a bit. It’s calming.” I didn’t need him to say that, I was on the same page enjoying the peace, but I realized afterwards that he was assuring me his silence wasn’t him over-thinking or fretting or stressing. Isn’t that the typical thing girls automatically assume from a man’s silence? Ladies, sometimes silence is what brings us closer to our loved ones.

And it was that small moment that has resonated most with me this week. I loved that moment. And it didn’t hurt that he brought me a glass of wine and broke out the hummus and chips while I was lazing around that night. It’s the simple things that make it the real deal.

Take this guy, for instance.

 

I couldn’t leave you without a little something funny on Friday. Plus, I totally get him.

TGIF 🙂

Would You Be So Into Me, If I Wasn’t a Celebrity?

Celebrity. With the likes of Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, and Snooki in the headlines, this term doesn’t hold much weight anymore. Put Meryl Streep, George Clooney, Steven Spielberg, and Viola Davis in a room with Kim K. and the talent pool suddenly drops 40% (it’s all in her ass, amiright?). How did we let ourselves feed so much money into people who already have too much?? Because we’re easy. This rich, hot chick was in a sex tape and holy shitballs she has a giant ass?!1! GOLD. Let’s give her a show so we can remember how she once did that sex tape but really just watch her pose for pictures and whine about never finding the perfectly chiseled man. Or in this case, an unapologetically flaming ego guy who stomps on kittens at the VMAs (goddamn you Kanye for making catchy fucking music – I’m supposed to hate you!).

You guys, WHAT HAVE WE DONE? The Kardashians and cast of the Jersey Shore are actual celebrities in America and it’s OUR FAULT. Sure, folks in the 26-35 demographic talk shit about these people and have probably stopped watching the shows for the most part. But the young’uns. So vulnerable.

And here’s a perfect example of how easy it is for these starstruck kiddies to fall all over themselves. I applaud this guy and his fake out to the people of NYC. First off, it’s fucking HILARIOUS. Watch how everyone is beside themselves, screaming over some guy they don’t even know. And secondly, he 10000% proved a point. Why do they believe he’s a celebrity? Because too many weirdos are these days. Go make a sex tape and cash in.

Better yet, just do what this guy did.

22 Images That Will Immediately Make You Feel More Competent In Life

Today, I’m sharing with you a piece I found late yesterday on Buzzfeed. This post succeeded in making me laugh while also totally boosting my own self-esteem, believing myself finally equal to Einstein. RELATIVITY! I get it, I’m totally there and from now on, that law is my bitch.

But I digress (and in all honesty, still have no fucking clue what he was ever talking about). The following photos will most likely fit your fancy and provide you with proper evidence that people are, indeed, incredibly stupid sometimes. Case in point.

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Knope We Can!

If you didn’t take my previous advice and haven’t been watching Parks & Recreation, you’re kind of a loser. I’m sorry if that hurts your feelings, but it’s a fact in an important book somewhere. Probably in an encyclopedia. Those still exist, right?

Regardless, watch this super silly video of Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler). Season 5 premieres September 20th at 9:30pm so if you don’t know who Ron Swanson is, unaware of Lil Sebastian, or don’t know what Snakejuice is, it’s time to make your life better.

In the meantime, I’m leaving this mighty gem right here.

“The Only Thing Stronger Than Fear is Hope.”

 This past weekend, The Hunger Games was released on DVD. Naturally, my fanatic ass picked up my copy the morning of, proudly, and paid whatever I needed so I could watch an incredible amount of special features regarding this story, the actors, and the entire making-of. I hadn’t been that excited to overload my brain with DVD special features since the last Harry Potter movie (WAH! Idontwannatalkaboutit).

While my other half killed zombies with his BFF, I gladly shut myself off and watched Jennifer Lawrence, Gary Ross, and some Lionsgate producers tell me about the making of The Hunger Games. Heaven, you guys – I WAS IN HEAVEN.

One feature, in particular, stuck out amongst the rest. There was your standard casting, production, editing, costume design, and book phenomenon stuff, but I loved the bit called “Letters From The Rose Garden.” It was a brief story between director Gary Ross and actor Donald Sutherland (President Snow) regarding the incorporation of the white rose garden in the movie. After already being cast, Sutherland wrote Ross a massive email about his thoughts on President Snow and how his motives can be conveyed on screen. Since most of Snow’s viciousness is told through Katniss’s inner monologue in the books and there wasn’t going to be any narration, Sutherland and Ross wanted to find an appropriate way to show his absolute assholery on film.

Sutherland eloquently offered his two cents on the characterization and how it fit into today’s society. This led to his thoughts on Snow’s motives to maintain total control in Panem’s oppressive bureaucracy. He mentioned how he believed Snow was an intelligent and good man before power and greed consumed him. That he’s a silent type, defiant in his values and utterly terrifying because of it. He doesn’t need to speak for you to know he’s pissed off and plotting his revenge. From afar, his exterior seems like that of a grandfather, but up close his eyes betray him. As Sutherland said, Snow already knows what you’re thinking and, thus, he’s already beating you to the punch. Anyone who has read The Hunger Games series knows this to be true, and Sutherland nails his countenance.

This email left Gary Ross mulling things over, reflecting on how to really get the point across to readers and newbies alike when they watch the movie. It’s because of Sutherland’s marvelous word vomit of an email that we see the scenes from the Rose Garden, and we get that kick ass line everyone now knows.

“The only thing stronger than fear is hope.”

If this were coming from the mouth of Albus Dumbledore or Gandalf, I’m sure it’d be accompanied by a great symphony and a feeling of safety, positivity, and encouragement. Not so much with Prezzie Snow. He’s an asshole. So when this line is delivered, it’s to remind us that he has no sympathy for those kids duking out to the death and he wishes to squash any hope these tributes, their families, and their districts cling to.

SUPER ASSHOLE.

This was a DVD feature that really didn’t need to be added to the mix of things, but I’m so glad they threw it in. Regardless of all those Team Peeta/Team Gale shirts, The Hunger Games is more than a teen romance. Way more. It’s this fantastic observation about war, poverty, pop culture, and the frightening nature of absolute assholery power that deserves to be discussed in ways like Sutherland’s email. If you haven’t picked up the DVD with special features, SHAME ON YOU PEASANT. Or just google “Letters From The Rose Garden,” I’m sure it’s out in the internet world somewhere.

Also, Donald Sutherland is a beast. And I’m not just talking about his facial hair.