Ladies, the Ryan Gosling Body Pillow.

Let the choirs sing, the symphonies sound, and your ovaries burst with glitter and doves.

 

 

I know what you’re all thinking:

The second thought you probably have: Is this for real? Le sigh. Probably not, because it’s a cruel, cruel world we live in.

But if is WAS –

 

An Olympics Wish Come True!

YOU GUYS.

Remember way back when I spilled my heart out to the public about my Olympic diving watching fetish? I definitely wished for some diver to flat out bite it off the board and wouldn’t you know! Zeus heard me out and granted my wish. People, DREAMS DO COME TRUE!!!

Mind you, I did wish for the diver to be Chinese but I’ll deal with it until 2016 comes ’round. Until then, I’ll be watching this gif everyday. Thanks Germany! Beer AND a back flop? You guys rule.

A Writing Tip From Twain.

And now, some sound advice from Mark Twain.

Mark Twain

Some damn good advice, Mr. Twain. And might I say, that’s a damn, damn, damn magnificent ‘stache you’ve got. It goes great with your damn bushy brows.

Also, anyone else always think of JTT (that’s Jonathan Taylor Thomas for you sad naive kiddies) when Twain is mentioned? No? Well, gotta love the 90s.

LOOK AT THAT FACE. Those cheeks are just beggin’ for a pinchin’.

Bieber’s hair, eat your heart out.

This is the love story Taylor Swift meant to sing about.

I’m a huge, nerdtastic fan of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I’ve literally worn out the DVDs. And special features? Seen those, too. Multiple times. Sometimes even back to back.

Okay, I don’t want to overload you with my coolness, so…I’m going to just leave this video riiiight here and back away slowly…

Justifer get engaged, The Spice Girls zig-a-zig-all over the Olympics closing ceremony, and Miley Cyrus fucks up her hair.

Today offered up some crazy breaking news in Hollywoodland, so stop worrying about the election bullshit and feast your eyes on the really important stuff.

Firstly, Jennifer Aniston is engaged to Justin Thoreaux so all is right in the world. Finally. ::breathingnormallyagain::

Secondly, not exactly Hollywood news but still worthy of everyone’s undivided attention, the Spice Girls reunited for the closing ceremonies of the London hosted Olympics. The inner teenager in me (or present 27-year old, age ain’t nothin’ but a number ya’ll) went nuts watching those five fabulous ladies strut around the gigantic British flag stage and then ghost-ride the shit out of those smashing buggies. After a few weeks of exhaustive television watching, THIS is exactly what I needed. I’m sure the athletic people liked it, too – but not as much as London’s Mayor Boris Johnson:

 

Lastly, Miley Cyrus got bicurious with her hair.

This isn’t the most flattering angle for the new ‘do because all I’m paying attention to are her perfectly shaped dark eyebrows. Fuck you Miley and you’re perfectly shaped eyebrows!

Anyone else think she brought in this photo to help her stylist’s inspiration for the new look?

Nailed it.

Welcome Back, Paycheck.

Holy shit guys, I got a job today.

 

 

I’d like to think I looked like this when I got the word.

 

But I was for sure like this.

 Excited GIFS

 

Needless to say, I’m totally, completely, and incredibly jazzed! Yes – JAZZED. I danced for a good portion of my life, so I’m allowed to use that word without being 70-years old.

Oh Tobias, you blowhard!

Have I mentioned Arrested Development is in development again? Because it is and I’m so excited about it I might just punch Mike (my lucky other half) in the face for the hell of it. This new production picture of David Cross in full Tobias Funke mode begs so many questions, but what’s really important to notice is the smidge of jean cutoffs seen in the lower left corner of the egg shaped sheet he’s wearing. I don’t know about you, but for me, seeing Tobias is still a never-nude makes everything right in the world.

I Got Laid…Off

If the job hunt somehow materialized into a tangible person, this is how our conversation would go.

Me: Oh hey there, Job Hunt. It’s been a while. Guess we should catch up and stuff. Still being a little bitch?

JH: Oh for sure.

Me: Figured. How’s your BFF the Economy doing?

JH: She’s a dirty little whore and we’re totally not talking to each other.

Me: Ugh, that’s not helping me. At all. Can’t you send a friendly text or something?

JH: Can’t you just apply for unemployment or something?

Me: You’re a dick.

 

If the job hunt somehow materialized into a tangible object, this is what it would look like.

Challenge accepted, indeed.

And now, this old picture of Conan O’Brien wearing jeggings.

You’re welcome. TGIF, folks!

These Cats Look Like These Actors.

My day has been consumed by an editorial job application process (FINGERS FUCKING CROSSED) so I’m going to cheat a little today. However, that doesn’t downgrade the quality of this short post. In fact, I’m doing it for you. Because these are pictures that need to be shared. Immediately.