In Case You Live Under a Rock, This is a Thing and You Should Know About It.

Two words:  Gangnam. Style.

This is about to change your life forever. Or at least for the 15 minutes of fame this wonderfully hyper song will thrive on in this pop culture saturated world. It’s already gained some immense popularity, but since most of the world doesn’t catch on with these things until 6 months later, here’s the lowdown as to why Gangnam Style is legit and awesome right now.

The artist’s name is PSY. P-S-Y. Yea, whatcha think about that Prince?

I know, you must be super pissed that it’s shorter than yours.

 

Anyway, PSY is a muthafuckin badass who chases people around with his horse-y dance.

(It’s sort of like the normal street folks in San Francisco, but with more rhythm.)

 

He also supports equestrians.

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And Asian cowboys.

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And he totally loves kids.

 

And supports yoga, too.

 

And people who dare to wear neon yellow suits.

 

Basically, PSY can work the shit out of that pony dance and doesn’t give a fuck what you have to say about because he’s fancy and you’re not. Besides, anyone who can take the world by storm (and by world, I mean America) with a foreign language song and inspire a generation of YouTubers to post videos of themselves performing this pony prance dance, is alright in my book.

Look! Even Britney is doing it!

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And Batman!

Gangnam Style - random Photo

 

So next time you and your friends are having a dance party (because I know it happens) and someone is like, “OMG, wtf should we do tonight? YOLO, right?” You go ahead and punch them really hard in the fuckin face. ‘Cause YOLO is sooooo 12 seconds ago and Gangnam Style is in. You have 15 minutes to do this up right, and then you can look back at how stupid you are doing this pony dance. Until then –

OPPA GANGNAM STYLE.

 

Boy Bands Make the World a Better Place.

Hi, my name is Sharon and I love “What Makes You Beautiful” by One Direction and I’m super fuckin psyched that boy bands have made a comeback. Really, is there anything more cheesy than a boy band? Even the terminology of it makes me smile like a little 12-year old girl. The silly wardrobe coordination, the rising up on stage in one dramatic line, and the corny lyrics that your brain initially refuses based off some weird mental reputation you hold of yourself but then you can’t stop singing those words with that shit-eating grin on your face. You are not alone, but take it from me, it’s easier if you just let go and allow your body to accept it.

Snape, step up here and show ’em how it’s done.

Beautiful. Now that your body is ready, let’s go over 5 of the most fantastic boy bands that have made my life better, and if you receive them willingly, they’ll bring you great joy, too. This is also my chance to relive the late 90s/early 00s and remember when pop music was last at its finest. Did you ever think you’d miss such pure pop music??? After all the Lil Wayne and autotune of the past decade, I’m over-fuckin-joyed to see One Direction bring all the hype back. Now if only Eminem would come out of the woodworks and make fun of them. Ah, such sweet, sweet memories!

1. BSB

My favorites. Look how happy they are! (Maybe not Kevin, but he was always the outcast and he’s all smushed there in the middle) Don’t you just love the old Bop and Tiger Beat magazine photoshoot pictures where the boy bands are all bunched together and piggy-backed on each other? It’s the equivalent of farting glitter, people. This is true happiness, incapsulated in a photo. Suck it, Instagram.

 

2. NSYNC or Nsync or *Nsync

Look at this picture and tell me you don’t want to reenact it with all your best friends right now. THEY’RE HAVING SO MUCH FUN. Farts and glitter, people. Farts and glitter.

 

3. 98 Degrees

It’s the boy band who couldn’t dance and took their name literally! Ah, remember when song lyrics and names were taken literally? SO GOOD. Also, these guys were the sexified boy band who confused little fangirls because they didn’t know what that warm, tingly feeling meant downstairs. It was their tween teaser for when they later in life went to see Chippendales. Thanks for starting the fire, 98 Degrees!

 

4. BBMak

The British boys who played INSTRUMENTS. There was no dancing, they didn’t need to fuckin dance. Not when we’re admiring the fact that they’re holding instruments and talking like a Brit. Automatic swoon. Just…not even fair.

 

5. 2gether

Satin. Velvet. Pajamas. I’m all about the picture at an angle and having the hot one keep his shirt unbuttoned. And look at the sensitive one, with his eyes on the floor, thinking about the love song he’s about to write me. And the tough guy, with his badass chain that separates him from the rest. And the funny one, Chris Kirkpatrick back there, all fat and stuff. RIP Jason “QT” McKnight.

 

And now I can add another to the ranks, One Direction. It’s not even fair how much happiness exudes out of this tune. If the U.N. played this in their gatherings, I believe world peace would be inevitable. Now, please excuse me while I go bounce off the walls while singing this song. My body is ready.

Harry Potter Hump Day.

The BEST kind of Hump Day! Nerds, gather… reminisce…joke…laugh…and drink butterbeer. I really want to try butterbeer, dammit.

For the love of GOD, someone please take me to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter and get it out of my system.

Or I could live there forever. Either way, it should be a good time.

 

Back to Potter stuff now.

 

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Nic Cage is Better Than You and Me.

Is there anyone in this world with a more varied facial expressive range than Nic Cage? NO. No, there is not. He can look bored and psychotic at the same time, and that, my sweet caterpillars, is all talent and grace. Sure, his movie roles may not actually have asked for any of these expressions, and sure The Sorcerer’s Apprentice was a super shitty movie, and YES – Ghost Rider is an embarrassment to the badassness of flaming skulls, but I digress. The real question is, just how great is Nic Cage? I’m afraid you might’ve taken that as an actual question, when in fact it’s purely rhetorical. Because Nic Cage has never been a bigger star than he is right now. Especially when he’s being silly and hiding in your bed.

 

 

Or wishing you a Happy Anniversary.

 

Or trapped in your closet. (Way better than the R. Kelly version)

Or peepin’ you around your house.

 

Watching you pick out books at Barnes & Noble.

 

Helping you be a better worker.

 

Making sure you get squeaky clean.

 

Eating your family and friends. Probably the annoying, complaining ones, so it’s cool.

 

Is your friend Ann on Facebook.

 

And no one loses his shit quite like Mr. Cage can.

 

Basically, Nic Cage is doing this life thing better than any of us. And he’s been doing it for a long time. Because he’s a vampire.

Dude, We Got a Dell.

This past weekend, I lost a dear pal – a four-legged best friend. Dell was a special dog to our family, and we each had a different relationship with him to call our own. He was the most intuitive animal I’d ever had the pleasure of knowing. When I was recovering from my back surgery, he never left my side. And that’s not an exaggeration, he literally never left my side. It was as though I had my very own gargoyle statue sitting by me, wherever I went, protecting my vulnerable state. He took such good care of his family, and if he liked you, you knew it. Also, if he hated you, you really knew it. And there was probably a bite mark to show for it.

 
Rest in peace, Dell. I miss you already, pal!

My best friend closed his eyes last night,
As his head was in my hand.
The doctors said he was in pain,
And it was hard for him to stand.

The thoughts that scurried through my head,
As I cradled him in my arms.
Were of his younger, puppy years,
And oh, his many charms.

Today, there was no gentle nudge
With an intense “I love you gaze”,
Only a heart that’s filled with tears
Remembering our joy filled days.

But an Angel just appeared to me,
And he said, “you should cry no more,
God also loves our canine friends,
He’s installed a “doggy-door”.

 

– Jan Cooper

5 Things I Used to Loathe But Love Now

Have you ever been eating a stick of celery plain and realize, holy shit – since when did I enjoy eating celery plain? Probably about the time when everything you ate went directly to your love handles, making them capable to be used as actual handles. But even so, it’s not like your forcing yourself to eat this celery stick. No, it was on a veggie platter at your friend’s house and you went straight for the veggies before hitting the greasy chips. When the fuck did this happen? When did my taste buds decide it’s okay to skip over those amazingly fatty chips? It’s okay, I’ll just start drinking and then they’ll be a big greasy hand print on the front of my pants by the end of the night. (I still have not grown into napkins)

1. Avocados

I used to hate you! The fact that you are green freaked me out. Guacamole just seemed like a bowl of baby puke. But now I fuckin’ LOVE you. I don’t know how that happened, but it’s been a few years and I don’t ever want to live without you. I’m adding you to salads, sandwichs, appetizers, and anything else that needs to go green.

2. Wine

How was there ever a time when I didn’t like you? I was young and stupid and unrealistic. You come in so many different flavors and colors that I get to choose which of you I’m in the mood for! My GOD. If I didn’t have the tolerance of a 12-year old girl, I’d probably replace my water bottle next to my computer with a bottle of you.

3. Hummus

You tasted so horrible a few years ago, and I refused to eat you afterward. But THEN, you were at a party and I gave you a second chance and angels sang. You + pita chips = my Friday night snack. Thanks for being patient with me, you glorious mush of Zeus.

4. Medieval shit

When I was younger, medieval/renaissance/period piece stuff used to bore me to death. All the proper language and courtesies and uptight dancing. OMGZzzzzzzz. But then I was dragged to see Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring and I came out thinking, THAT WAS THE SHIT. I wanted a giant wool cloak and a fuckin’ badass sword and long beautiful hair and layers of heavy clothing for the winters and a ruthless enemy who I wanted to ride out and slay the shit out of with scruffy exiled kings and knights. WHAAAAAAA! And then I took “To Be A Knight” class in college, which makes me so incredibly geeky but whatever, I know how to wield a sword (not really) so don’t judge me (but I totally would) or I’ll stab you in the face (no, I could hardly lift the fake sword). And now I’m reading Game of Thrones and all I want is to fast forward time to when I get on BART and can read some more.

5. Early bedtime

I used be a night owl, loving how grown up I’d feel seeing it was 3:30AM and I was still doing my thing. And when I lived in Vegas I figured it would be the perfect match, I’d finally have my ideal nighttime schedule I knew was always right for me! Fuck this daytime shit, I come alive at night! Dats wussup! Right! Right? It was then when I realized I wasn’t a vampire (no matter how much Mike insists that I am – paleness and cold skin is NOT a fair consensus). My body craved the early mornings again, and with that came the absolute need for an earlier bedtime. Anything past 11:30PM makes me want to cry.

This Grandma is Going to Live Forever.

You won’t see anything cooler today than this video. And I’m a (wo)man of my word, right Joker?

Well, unless you find a video of this Grandma doing this dance with a cat dressed like Usher. Then, yes. Maybe.

27 Reasons Why Your Problems Are Stupid and Tiny.

Having a bad morning? Are those 5 cups of coffee not crankin’ you up to speed? Is that hangnail totally mindfucking you out of your day? Hey, my sweet turnipfaces, don’t sweat it. This super nerdgeekscientificbraingasm post from Buzzfeed.com reminded me that I’m a selfish prick, and you probably are, too. Now let’s all take a few minutes to feel those same warm and fuzzies!

Original source.

 

So, this is you:

So, this is you:

1. This is you from about 30,000 feet. Cruising altitude:

This is you from about 30,000 feet. Cruising altitude:

Pretty.

Via: benjy

2. This is you from 100,000 feet:

This is you from 100,000 feet:

Still pretty.

3. Someone jumped out of a balloon from this height, back in 1960:

Someone jumped out of a balloon from this height, back in 1960:

In this Aug. 16, 1960 photo made available by the U.S. Air Force, Col. Joe Kittinger steps off a balloon-supported gondola at an altitude of 102,800 feet. In freefall for 4.5 minutes at speeds up to 614 mph and temperatures as low as -94 degrees Fahrenheit, he opened his parachute at 18,000 feet.

4. This is you from about 200 miles, or more than 20 times the altitude of the highest human jump. This is where the ISS lives:

This is you from about 200 miles, or more than 20 times the altitude of the highest human jump. This is where the ISS lives:

5. The first man to reach this height, Yuri Gagarin, did it in this tiny sphere:

The first man to reach this height, Yuri Gagarin, did it in this tiny sphere:

6. Actually this dog did it first. She died though:

Actually this dog did it first. She died though:

7. Now, this is the Earth from the moon, about 230,000 miles away:

Now, this is the Earth from the moon, about 230,000 miles away:
Via: NASA

8. The farthest a human has ever been from home is 248,655 miles, when the Apollo 13 spacecraft made its risky trip around the dark side of the moon:

The farthest a human has ever been from home is 248,655 miles, when the Apollo 13 spacecraft made its risky trip around the dark side of the moon:

This was taken by the crew.

Via: NASA

Tom knows:

Tom knows:

9. And this is Earth from Mars, which is over 30 MILLION miles away. This is the next place humans will go, in theory:

And this is Earth from Mars, which is over 30 MILLION miles away. This is the next place humans will go, in theory:

The Apollo missions took about ten days each. A Mars mission would take at least six months, and likely be a one-way trip.

Via: gsfc

10. The sun looks a lot smaller from there:

The sun looks a lot smaller from there:
Via: nasa.gov

11. But during the day, it looks pretty much just like home:

But during the day, it looks pretty much just like home:

Seems nice!

Via: nasa.gov

12. ANYWAY, here is the Earth from roughly where Saturn is. See it?

ANYWAY, here is the Earth from roughly where Saturn is. See it?
Via: nasa.gov

13.

14. Eh, we’re getting pretty far away. Let’s zoom in a little:

Eh, we're getting pretty far away. Let's zoom in a little:
Via: nasa.gov

15. Now let’s keep going. This is what Earth looks like as you’re leaving the solar system, 3.7 billion miles away. Pluto-ish area:

Now let's keep going. This is what Earth looks like as you're leaving the solar system, 3.7 billion miles away. Pluto-ish area:

“From Voyager’s great distance Earth is a mere point of light, less than the size of a picture element even in the narrow-angle camera. Earth was a crescent only 0.12 pixel in size.”

16. Obviously 3.7 billion miles is really, really far. But you also have to consider that Earth is pretty tiny:

Obviously 3.7 billion miles is really, really far. But you also have to consider that Earth is pretty tiny:

17. Here’s what Jupiter would look like from Earth if it were as close as the moon

27 Reasons Why Nothing Matters
Source: forgifs.com

18. Compared to the Sun, though, even Jupiter looks like a runt

Compared to the Sun, though, even Jupiter looks like a runt

19. Not that the Sun has anything to brag about:

Not that the Sun has anything to brag about:

(we’re just getting started)

27 Reasons Why Nothing Matters
27 Reasons Why Nothing Matters
27 Reasons Why Nothing Matters

22. But as massive as stars are, they’re microscopic compared to galaxies they live in. This is our galaxy, the Milky Way:

But as massive as stars are, they're microscopic compared to galaxies they live in. This is our galaxy, the Milky Way:

23. Oh, by the way, the closest galaxy to ours, which also has billions of stars, is going to slam into us eventually. Here’s what NASA thinks it will look like from Earth:

Oh, by the way, the closest galaxy to ours, which also has billions of stars, is going to slam into us eventually. Here's what NASA thinks it will look like from Earth:

This will happen in four billion years, which seems like a long time. But the Earth did exist four billion years ago, and it might well exist then. This probably wouldn’t end well for us, whatever “us” will mean in 4,000,000,2012 AD.

27 Reasons Why Nothing Matters

GIF by Ryan

Source: i.imgur.com

24. So yes, there are millions, billions, and sometimes trillions of stars in each galaxy. But how many galaxies are there? In 2003, NASA pointed the Hubble telescope at a minuscule dark patch in the night sky:

So yes, there are millions, billions, and sometimes trillions of stars in each galaxy. But how many galaxies are there? In 2003, NASA pointed the Hubble telescope at a minuscule dark patch in the night sky:

25. They took hundreds of pictures over about three months, for over 11 days’ worth of exposure time. They came back with this:

They took hundreds of pictures over about three months, for over 11 days' worth of exposure time. They came back with this:

Feeling small yet?

27 Reasons Why Nothing Matters

26. In that tiny little dark patch of sky were 10,000+ galaxies, many bigger than our own:

In that tiny little dark patch of sky were 10,000+ galaxies, many bigger than our own:

Because of how far away they are, and the speed at which light travels, this photo shows these galaxies as they were over 12 billion years ago. Many of them no longer exist.

27. These are the galaxies we’ve been able to map so far. It’s estimated there are more than 150 billion in our observable universe, the size of which we’re still unsure of:

These are the galaxies we've been able to map so far. It's estimated there are more than 150 billion in our observable universe, the size of which we're still unsure of:

So, in conclusion, you are a speck on a dot on a mote on a speck. Which is terrifying. But also great! So whatever’s bothering you?

27 Reasons Why Nothing Matters

How Do The VMAs Still Exist?

I can’t remember the last time I saw a music video. A fact that makes me increasingly sad the more I think about it because music videos used to be my bread and butter. Now I’m seeing a ton of commercials for the 2012 MTV VMAs on various TV channels and online, but I’m left wondering, Where are they getting these nominations from? Where are these music videos???  

Obviously, YouTube is the only logical explanation for any of this now. But I’m not actually on YouTube every day. Am I doing this wrong? This whole internet thing? When I do go on YouTube, I vaguely recall seeing obnoxious texts and faces plastered around the video screen area, probably telling me there’s a new music video from someone. But I try to blur the edges and concentrate on what I went there for to begin with because my brain cells are desperately attempting not to forget the matter at hand.

Seeing the VMA commercials brings back some wonderful nostalgia of the days when music videos were the SHIT. My afternoons were planned around TRL starting up and seeing who got the number one video. BSB, Nsync, Britney, Christina, Eminem? OMGGGGGGGGGG!!!1! And I’d also pop in a videotape – YES, a mothafuckin’ videotape mothafuckas – so I could record my favorite music videos and teach myself their dances. I’m pretty sure I still know “It’s Gonna Be Me,” “Oops! I Did It Again” and “One Minute Man” because I watched them so goddamn many times. And, of course, I was so pissed off when Britney lost the Best Female Video VMA to Aaliyah because, I’ma let you finish but, “Oops! I Did It Again” was the best female video that whole fuckin’ year! Plus, Aaliyah’s best video, by far, is “Are You That Somebody” and I would’ve rather it been that one. MY FAVE. But my bitterness was quickly squashed when Aaliyah was taken far too soon, so in retrospect, it all happens for a reason. MTV did great here, back when the VMAs were still good.

Back in the good ‘ol days, the VMAs would never have needed a Kim Kardashian to encourage people to watch the show (Cindy Crawford, Downtown Julie Brown, and Daisy Fuentes, FTW). Know why? Because people wanted to watch it already. You know, to see musicians perform and win awards for cool videos that we watched all the time on MTV.

Hey, remember when getting a VMA was, like, super prestigious and awesome? Yeah.

 

Remember when it was hosted by legitimately cool actors? Yeah, me too.

 

Oh hey, remember when MTV played music videos all the time and it made sense for them to host the Video Music Awards? YEAH.