Just Living Out My Dream Of Being Leslie Knope…

I present to you, a very Huddler Halloween!

A few of us got together and took on the spectacular personas of the Parks & Recreation cast. Basically it was a dream come true and now I’m craving waffles with a mountain of whipped cream.

First, the inspiration:

 

And now, the final result. I think Ron Swanson would even approve.

 

From the left: Ben Wyatt, April Ludgate, Ron Swanson, Andy Dwyer, Leslie Knope, Chris Traeger, Tom Haverford, Jean-Ralphio, and Ann Perkins.

 

Happy Halloween everyone!

These Animals Have A Better Costume Than You.

Is there anything better in this world than seeing an animal dressed in costume?

No.

Here’s an early Halloween treat for you:

 

And last, but not least.

Hey Guys, We WON The World Series – So Why Are You Torching That Car?

This just in! San Francisco has no idea how to celebrate a great and wonderful thing.

You might know the City By The Bay as the land of protesters and hippies. According to the celebrations last night following the SF Giants winning the World Series in Detriot, that sounds about right.

Apparently the folks of San Francisco are so used to being pissed off about stupid shit that they took to burning cars and rioting in the streets after the Giants kicked ass and swept the Detroit Tigers last night. What the fucking hell, people? Our city’s MLB team just won the top honors of baseball and you’re…fucking shit up? WHY. W-H-Y? Revert to your hippie roots and love each other. This is a time for celebration and to drink with cops, not to get cuffed by them. GET A HOLD OF YOURSELVES.

Posey, Romo – show us how to really do this.

image

Also in today’s news, New Zealand decided to scare people shitless by hanging an absurdly gigantic sculpture of Gollum in their Wellington airport.

HOLY SMEAGOL.

I guess only the guy in the green sweatshirt seems even slightly affected. Silly Kiwis.

That’s an insanely amazing creation though, amiright?

Posting Inside Jokes On Facebook: Who do I have to punch to make it stop?

I think I have the good folks at Apple to blame for the majority of inside jokes posted daily on Facebook. Whoever developed the idea of taking a screenshot of a private messaging conversation is a total dick and should be kicked swiftly in the esophagus.

LADIES. What is your deal? It’s always the girls who feel the need to post this shit. What exactly is the point of sharing an inside joke between friends from a private phone to a larger network of people? People you probably never think about except when 1) they’re talking about their dog or boyfriend or baby on your Facebook newsfeed, or 2) you feel incredibly happy and you want a bunch of old high school friends to validate your happiness. You know what I’m talking about, crap like this:

 

And the caption of this attention whoring usually goes something like, “OMG we’re so funny and in love and BFFs and no one else gets it! HA HA HAhaHAhAHA!!1!”

Dear CHRIST. Tina Fey, you feelin’ me on this?

Newsflash, insecure folks of Facebook! You don’t have to post conversations you’re having somewhere else in private to the Facebook world to prove that you have a decent, if totally desperate, social life. Wow – you have a friend?! And look! There’s a heart by the name so he must be super special and love her and now I’m jealous and wish I was her. That’s what you’re trying to do, right? Show everyone that you have it more awesome? Dats coo.

Well I’d like to turn the tables and attention whore through my blog so I can tell you to shut the fuck up. No one cares. Those three “likes” you got are full of pity. You can bet your look-at-us ass that if there was an “attention whoring” button on Facebook, you’d have gotten a record breaking number of clicks.

So the next time you have an embarrassingly ridiculous text conversation with your boyfriend, girlfriend, baby, or dog, just be content and happy with it being between you two. Private. No one fucking cares.

please stop

 

Don’t Ever Be This For Halloween.

One of the greatest bromance costume ideas is Bert & Ernie. They’re the original Joey & Chandler, after all, and make the world a generally better place to live.

That being said, this is the most fucked up version of Bert & Ernie I’ve ever seen. I’m tempted to remove my eyes and flush them down the toilet, because whatever is down the toilet is already better than looking at this picture.

Your turn.

Bert and Ernie

 

FUCKED. UP.

Mr. & Mrs. JT Want You To Know They’re Married, I Guess.

I’ll never understand the purpose of celebrities selling their wedding pictures or baby pictures to the press. It’s one thing if a photo gets leaked without their permission, but it’s another when a famous couple actually goes OUT OF THEIR WAY to send the press pictures of themselves. But Mr. & Mrs. JT took this attention whoring to a whole new, advanced level with the cover of People.

Just…why? Why is this even necessary? I am not your friend (but am not opposed to the opportunity) and wasn’t invited, nor could I afford it, so why the hell are these two using People Magazine as their Facebook wedding photo album? And why is the bride taking a backseat – SITTING DOWN – when all anyone wants to see out of a celebrity wedding is the muthafuckin’ dress?

I’m totally down for some non-traditional wedding photos, and love the idea of Justin jumping here, but why does Jessica think she’s in a different time, place, and photoshoot? Girl, your sweet ass bubblegum dress is about to be stomped on by the guy from Nsync. You can’t be happy about that.

PS: No member from Nsync was present at their wedding. But Justin doesn’t give a fuck, do ya?

 

PPS: Nice Britney inclusion, People. Is it sad I still hold out hope for Justin & Britney to reunite and live happily ever after?

 

NERDGASM! “Iron Man 3” Trailer Released.

Omg. OMG. O-M-G.

I have so many emotions, but the main reaction that really sticks out in my head is FUCKING AWESOME. It’s going to be a wonderful birthday month for yours truly.

Mr. Stark, why don’t you step up here and make us pee our pants in excitement.

Let’s Play A Game! Which Of These Is A Blow Up Doll?

You’ve got your work cut out for you, because this ain’t gonna be easy.

Here are a few pictures of two things – one is of the Z-lister Heidi Montag and the other is a blow up doll. Betcha can’t pick which is the fake!

Let’s begin:

Oh man, I don’t even…I can’t…someone give me a hint.

IT’S LIKE A MIRROR IMAGE.

 

Ahhh – this is like one of those tests where there’s more than one correct choices but one is the better choice.

Right, left, left. I think.

This Kid Really Loves Bacon.

I found something delicious on Reddit this morning.

Someone posted their 6th grade students’ work because, well…that’s what people do on the internet these days. They share too much.

Anyway, I think this kid is going to go far in life.

 

 

He will also – for sure – have some heart problems, but bacon is really the way to go in terms of meats that’ll shut your life down – amiright? It’s just so damn good.

As for his grammar? He’s okay, and, for a 6th grader, he’s further along than most of the people whose Facebook/text messages I put on blast yesterday.

My advice for little Kevin Bacon here:  always be prepared.

Autocorrect Should Die, Reinvent Clippy For The Text Generation.

Hey, remember this little guy, Clippy?

 

It’s that annoying piece of crap from Microsoft Office! He used to randomly pop up when I was finally concentrating on my book report about the latest Goosebumps installment, and then ask if I needed help even when I didn’t want it. He wasn’t intuitive at all, and he bugged the shit out of me a lot, but he really cared about grammar and wanted to make sure I didn’t fuck up.

You know what we have instead of Clippy these days? AUTOCORRECT. Some vicious little gnome of a ghost that Apple created to change your words and fuck shit up. Autocorrect means well, but so did Chucky at one point. He was just a doll after all. Then he started killing people. See where this is going?

Wouldn’t it be awesome if Facebook, Apple, Microsoft, and any other messaging system/network reinvented Clippy to pop up while you type to tell you you’re doing it wrong? It’d be this annoying friendly reminder that you’re stupid and lost your sense of the English language. Here are some examples, from actual human beings that are dumb, of what happens when Facebook can’t help correct posts:

(Hey! Remember when your Facebook status was posted by your profile picture? Good times.)

 

 

Now, some of these people actually chose to spell incorrectly. Yes, nowadays folks have a choice to look stupid because this “slang” is apparently cool. I’ve never really been a cool kid, so this is still going over my head. Case in point:

 

 

I get physically pissed off when I see Facebook posts or text messages like the left side above. It even bothered me when 50 Cent named his song “In Da Club”.  Is it really THAT much more effort to just…spell correctly? I’m lucky to be part of the generation who basically missed this whole, getting hip to the slang thing. But I’m not even asking for perfect grammar, just some proof that these people still know how to spell “you” and “the” and “when.”

That’s why I propose Snippy, Clippy’s bitchy and slang-insulting, evil twin. And he’ll pop up when you start typing stuff like “dis” instead of “this”:

 

200px-Clippy2

 

I can’t be alone in thinking that everyone deserves a healthy reminder of how to communicate well with other human beings, especially once people are out of school and in the workforce. There’s no excuse for being lazy, stupid, and a buttface.

Read a book, for Christ’s sake. But not Twilight, it won’t help you here.

 

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