We have three topics to get through today, so let’s kick this bitch off right quick.
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler Are Hosting The 70th Annual Golden Globes
Oh my God. OMG. OHMIGOD. Words cannot express how excited I am about this, so I’m just going to piss my pants and giggle like a stupid little schoolgirl with a bladder control problem.
HA! I totally have words – I have a blog, for fuck’s sake. How awesome is the best friendship of Tina and Amy? First off, according to the literary masterpiece of Bossypants, these two gal pals have known each other since their Chicago theater days. Before fame and fortune. Before SNL. They’re practically college best friends who’ve supported one another and worked together for decades. They got famous and hosted Weekend Update together. How great would it be to host Weekend Update with your BEST FRIEND? Oh wait, probably not as cool as starring in the hit movie Baby Mama with your BEST FRIEND. And now they get to host the motherfuckin’ Golden Globes together – AS BEST FRIENDS.
Amy, Tina – if you can hear me. Recruit me as your best friend. If you just give me a chance, I promise you’ll want to take vacations with me.
Beyonce Is Performing At The Superbowl
The internet once again wins at leaking very important information. Apparently, Beyonce will be our halftime entertainment at the Superbowl XLVII, but official word isn’t coming out until tomorrow. Or so the internet says.
I’m totally okay with Beyonce being the halftime entertainment, she’s a kickass live performer from what I’ve gotten out of watching TV and hearing my rich friends gloat about their concert experiences. I expect a lot of hair and giant fans blowing Bey’s hair. But she needs to stick to her upbeat songs, NO R&B BULLSHIT. This is fuckin’ football and people will be drinking beer – not wine, not Courvoisier. I also have a request for Bey: Please bring out Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams for some Destiny’s Child mind-blowing, ’90s/’00s awesomeness. Performing “Survivor” with your best gal pals will empower my ovaries to punch everyone in the face. It’ll be a good time.
Also, Bey – I know you’re friends with Kanye but if you bring him with you, we’re all gonna be like:
Ghostbusters, Meet The Crazy Asian Influence of Gangnam Style
Jammin’ this all day.