This Is Why I Will Never Live In Australia. Ever.

Brace yourselves. If you hate spiders or anything else that’s abominable to the earth and makes you scream like a 7-year old girl when trying to smash it with a shoe (but not a good shoe), 10 tissues, or a giant wad of toilet paper, then you would never survive as an Aussie.

Case in point, you might find one of these guys chillin’ on your back door.

. . .

 

. . .

 

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. . .

WHATTHEFUCK.

I think I just…I might have fainted briefly. And now I think it’s watching me and tucked under my desk.

Do Aussies deal with these kind of mutant beasts on a regular basis? Because if that’s the case, I might need to rethink the whole “Hey, I’d love to go to Australia before I die” thing. Unless that IS how I would end up dying. In Australia. Eaten by a giant mutant spider.

As a typical American, I have no choice but to assume living in the land from down under is terrifying, all the time. Am I wrong here? Their beaches, they look so…beautiful. And Hugh Jackman, he’s really hot and awesome. Plus, Finding Nemo is a great movie and they swam through a ton of shit just to get to Sydney. Is there a good enough silver lining? Time will tell.

But that SPIDER IS ATROCIOUS.

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