Forever 21 Is A Pain In My Ass.

Something is definitely wrong with fashion when I don’t have to go to Goodwill or Salvation Army to find an ugly sweater for an ugly sweater party.

When I realized I didn’t have an ugly sweater to wear to the traditional holiday party, the first store I thought of within walking distance of my office building was Forever 21 (or XXI Forever – ugh.). And sure enough, as I browsed their online selection of sweaters I found plenty to choose from for an ugly sweater party. I had my eyes on this winner:

It’s a giant fucking cat face and nothing could be more perfect! And so I took a stroll down Market St. to find this giant fucking cat face sweater at Forever 21. Then I made the mistake of assuming this would be an easy sweater to find, because Forever 21 – no matter which store you’re in – is horrible and I hate it. Though about 30% of their selection can be awesome and generally wearable (and affordable), never do I feel more like I’m buying into a trend than when I’m in a Forever 21 store. It doesn’t help that I’m about 5-10 years older than any of the other shoppers around me.

After about 10 minutes of no giant fucking cat face sweater spottings, I took no shame in walking up to a sales associate and asking, “Excuse me, but where can I find a black sweater with a giant cat face on it?” I didn’t have the heart to tell this girl I needed it for an ugly sweater party. She probably hates herself for working there, as is – no need to reinforce the fact that a majority of these clothes all super suck.

Product number and another lap around the arbitrary layout of Forever 21 later, and we came up short. Newsflash, Forever 21: if your own employee can’t find a GIANT FUCKING CAT FACE SWEATER in your store, something is wrong. And, apparently, there were 3 of them hanging out in there, somewhere. Probably in the laser light room. It would make sense for Forever 21 to have a laser light room, don’t cha think? Right by the disco ball room, below the hookah lounge. Nothing makes sense, so might as well make this store worth the travel.

In conclusion, I didn’t get a giant fucking cat face sweater, but I did find something worthy of a second place – and the subject of cats remains relevant. Plus it was cheaper than the giant fucking cat face sweater, so I can spend more money on booze for the ugly sweater party. Who says things don’t work out for the best?

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