Carrie Bradshaw was specifically a NYC gal and loathed the idea of suburbia. She’s certainly not alone in this way of life – some people love the bustling of people on the street side while others love the bustling of trees on the median in the road. It’s just a simple matter of taste – you either love city living, or the thought of living in a city of millions irritates the shit out of you.
But no one talks much about the people who live in the ‘burbs and work in the city. These people, myself included, are experiencing a bit of both, and I think there are pros and cons to living in either environment. But that being said, when you work with a bunch of people who live in the city and you’re from the ‘burbs, you suddenly starting feeling like you’re not speaking their language.
From my experience of living in the East Bay and working in San Francisco, there are a few instances that have left me feeling curious, confused, and crotchety (alliteration!). And what better way to express myself than with the facial expressions of Parks & Recreation‘s Ben Wyatt? Thus, here are 10 reasons why I’m looking at you city folk mid-conversation like:
1. Street names – I DON’T KNOW THEM. When I politely ask you where you live in the city and you tell me your cross streets, I’m just like –
2. I know SF is split into neighborhoods, but when you say Richmond, I’m thinking murder.
3. I get it – YOU LOVE GOING OUT TO EAT. No, I probably won’t ever get around to eating there, because I’ll be too busy munching on my Sara Lee, self-made, very plain turkey sandwich.
4. I ride BART everyday. No, I don’t need your sympathies because I have a BART buddy – it’s name is Game of Thrones.
5. I can play volleyball (poorly) in my backyard – YOU MAD, BRO?
6. I’m sure you’re going to that bluegrass, underground-now-mainstream concert event thing this weekend in Golden Gate Park, right? Thought so. I’ll be at home, doing my thang.
7. What’s it like to get drunk and be able to call a taxi for a ride home? Pretty sure us ‘burb buddies draw straws for a DD. That 20 minute drive home on the freeway can get pretty nasty.
8. You own a scooter, right? Awesome! No, I definitely can’t drive any kind of scooter around unless I wanted to face certain death on the freeways full of diesel fueled SUVs.
9. If you really want a true summer that’s balls out hot as hell, come on over to my neck of the woods and see how your light cardigan fares as we take turns sticking our faces in the freezer.
10. There are no naked men in the East Bay, therefore there are no laws being written about whether public penises should be pantsed.
11. You might have dozens of movies set in your city, but us Concordians have Tom Hanks. TOM FUCKIN HANKS.