Ladies, get a grip.
Besides the hell on earth that is the duckface trend, the other pose that seems to be taking the Facebook and red carpet world by storm is the side pose.
Let me define this for you. The side pose is when a female specimen of the human brand insists on taking pictures where her body is facing, not the camera, but someone directly beside her and cranking her head around to smile and say “I’M NOT FAT.” The act of side posing is predominantly shared with the equally infamous hand-on-hip. This side pose is strategically chosen by women who divert your attention to their ass and rack rather than feeling comfortable enough with just…ya know, smiling or whatever.
In case you’re still uncertain of this epidemic or you haven’t ever been on Facebook, you loser, here are a few examples:
Here, Miley Cyrus shows us just how present her butt is with a slight arc of her back. She wants you to know how much skinnier she is than these other bitches.
These two random slutables have side posed so close to each other that their boobs aren’t even relevant anymore. It’s clearly all about the asses for them. And you’re in for a real treat, fellas, it seems they’re about to conduct a cooch-bump because THEY’RE ALMOST TOUCHING.
OMG IT’S A HERD OF THEM. The girl in the middle doesn’t even know what to do – she’s trying to turn to the side, the left knee is clearly doing all the work, but the albino chick behind her is like noooooooooooo you don’t and she’s pulling her left shoulder back so she doesn’t feel too insecure about being the only one who wore a full sized Santa hat. Because in this group and in side posing, everything must be 3 sizes too small. I’m pretty sure one girl is only wearing a black piece of construction paper – I’m talking to you, green shoes.
Now that we’re all aware of the side pose epidemic, let’s all try to face a little more frontwards toward the camera. A healthy 45 degree angle is all that’s necessary, ladies. The full 90 is not fooling anyone.
What happened to the simple art of sucking it in? Bunch of fucking cheaters these days.