15 Ways To Be A Dick On April Fools’ Day.

Are you living in fear today? That you might bite into an onion thinking it’s a caramelized apple, or realize you have a mouthful of mayonaise thinking it would be a delicious cream-filled donut? Perhaps you just peed on a saran wrapped toilet and now you want to die.

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But before you kill yourself, remember what Jesus taught us: EXACT REVENGE. (Right? I may need to brush on on my Bible lessons, but I swear…)

Here are 15 pranks for revenge, or just to be a ginormous dick to people on this special day.

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This prank makes me happy to have lady parts.

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Fuck you. Fuck you all day long.

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IT’S A CRUEL WORLD.

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Whatever. I happen to like the smell of shrimp juices.

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The engineering involved in this demands the highest of fives.

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If this were my car, I’d make the carts move in a circle, bust out in song, and finally fulfill my destiny of turning real life into a musical.

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SO. BADLY. WANT. TO. TRY.

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THIS. This is a shitty feeling.

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FUCK THAT. Nevermind. This is the worst feeling. PS: Better hope someone isn’t on their period. Science.

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GO DIE.

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Good. I was thirsty.

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ROT IN HELL.

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I want to play in it soooooooo badly.

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Someone do this please.

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From marthastewart.com? Martha, you tricky bitch.

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