What’s Wrong With This Picture?

This will be fun.

There are various things wrong in the picture below, but one is far more glaring – if not the most obvious – than the rest.

Low budget, sci-fi porn movie female character with no last name, won’t you step right up?

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Let’s make a list:

  • That’s a spandex shorts romper jumpsuit with a mock turtleneck. I’m so upset right now.
  • There’s a pesky tear in the front.
  • Fannypack.
  • Knee high boots.
  • She’s…married? Or it’s a ring tan. I’ll go with the latter.
  • Selfies are just the worst.
  • URINALS.

If you guessed urinals from the get-go, then CONGRATULATIONS! You didn’t have to notice the other less shitty things wrong with this picture.

Seriously, though. Sci-fi porn must allow for co-ed bathrooms. I mean, it makes sense. Where else would they have sex? There can’t be a copy machine in space. They’re so far beyond that.

 

One Of The Plights Of Humankind.

I would classify myself as a decently intelligent human being. I have an above average awareness of common sense, while still maintaining an air of childish ignorance. Granted, I’m no where near the brilliant stratospheres of some people –

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but I ain’t mad in the morning when I look into the mirror.

All that being said, this is absolutely, 100% true to fact.

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Just…panic. For a good 15 seconds, am I right? Why aren’t all shower heads and controls built the same? STOP FUCKING AROUND, HOME DEPOT.

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But once you figure it out, your shoulders immediately pull back, and you’ll use whatever fucking shampoo, conditioner, or soap of your friend’s that you fucking want. Razors are free game if it’s only the armpits.

Or is that just me?

I Just Don’t Believe That Beyonce Drinks Pepsi.

I’m getting a little tired of seeing Beyonce’s face everywhere, and I never thought I’d say that about the Queen Bey.

Between Pepsi, H&M, and her general ruling of the world, I can’t help but feel like she’s been watching me…or following me. I only hope my life has been bootylicious enough for her.

All that being said, her promotional ads haven’t been too great for Pepsi.

Because nothing says, “I just got a P in my B” like this photo right here.

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Took her totally by surprise and she’s not even sure if she likes it yet.

I really hate this dumb, shocked look that women resort to in advertising. Fuck that.

Give ’em a look that says, “Fuck your flash. I will take none of your shit, cameraman.”

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Attagirl, Bey.

H&M grants your temporary redemption.

This is why Coca-Cola is better, you guys. Except when Britney was the face of Pepsi, of course.

 

Style 101: With Stephen Colbert.

Quick recap of the long weekend:

Arrested Development was fucking awesome.

Now that I’ve caught you up, it’s time to endow some fashion education on your brains.

Stephen, won’t you lend me a hand – or two?

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Which probably means a mens ascot is just a necktie doing this.

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Bowties, FTW.

It’s The Final Countdown.

Hey, Brother.

Don’t make a huge mistake this weekend.

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I’m gonna blue all over myself, and I can’t fucking wait.

The Motto Of My Generation.

YOLO, really? That’s all you got?

Fuck that. We did it better, kiddies.

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Rufio and the Lost Boys judge you and your acronyms.

The Evolution Of Eating.

My how times have changed.

This is the way teenagers eat these days.

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This is the way I ate food as a teenager, and still proudly do to this day.

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My food isn’t meant to be remembered with Instagram and Facebook, it’s meant to be muthafucking devoured. It’s hard enough waiting until everyone has their food in front of them. My fork…it talks to me…it seduces me. And then it’s in my hand and I can’t stop.

The thought of taking a picture is the furthest thing from my head when it comes to food.

Besides, Pinterest is a slutfaced bitch. YOU TEASE ME SO.

You Shall Not Pass, Asshole.

Yea. Good luck trying to cut this guy off.

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Can’t you just imagine it being a stick shift? But the stick being a mothafucking STAFF.

That Honda has been through so much. I hope the white shores provide you with great garage space. You deserve nothing less, good sir.

I Laughed Way Too Hard At This.

Leo just does it for me, you guys.

He could squint through my soul if I broke down my guard long enough to believe he would’ve survived the Titanic if James Cameron wasn’t such a fucking asshole.

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I become more and more easily amused with age. It’s awesome. You should get on board, if you’re not already farting and giggling in the bathtub with me.

In other news, the technology known as captcha (that test-looking thing that verifies you’re not a robot) has caught onto our human tendencies.

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Hey, if Wall-E taught us anything, it’s that technology will make us fat and boring. This little guy is really doing us all a favor.

Good lookin’ out, captcha.

I hate you.

It Does Exist.

And here people always thought I was being indecisive.

The whole time, I knew what I was doing.

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I usually have the What do you wanna eat? I don’t care burger with a What do you wanna drink? I don’t care beer.