I take a public transit system to work in the morning, so I’m fortunate enough to drive, ride, and walk every week day – the perfect combination for advanced people watching.
Let’s go over some of my observations I recollected from this morning:
- Merging sucks. There’s few things more annoying in the world than when you need to change lanes, but as soon as you turn on your blinker, the car just behind you in the lane you’re trying to get in decides to speed up like a muthafucking asshole. Because there is NO KINDNESS AT 7:15AM.
- I’m second in line at the light, but the car in front of me has 50 feet between them and the crosswalk. STOP. READING. YOUR. PHONE. ASSHAT.
- Adele just came on the radio, everything is so much better.
- I need to get past one more light – ONE MORE LIGHT – until I can scooch over into the majestically long right hand turn lane and past these fuckers up. But there’s traffic and I might not make the light. I am really stressed and anxious about this situation.
- Stop signs are the worst in the morning.
- Very tempted to hit pedestrians. Not hard, just enough to tap ’em and make them start running so I can move.
- Walking into the BART station and spot a woman in massive, open-toed hooker heels. She’s also wearing very nice black business pants. Ladies, when you wear hooker heels with business pants, you’re still a hooker.
- Waiting in line for my train doors and a woman gets in the next line that started in front of mine. I soon realize that women with wide hips should never, ever wear tights pants with geometric patterns. Holy shit.
- Hey peeps, stop stopping as soon as you board the train to look both ways for the best available seat. Choose your path. Morpheus commands it.
- People who don’t offer their seats to elderly or pregnant women piss me off, especially if they’re only listening to music or texting. At least read a book. EFFYOUGUYZ.
- People hacking and coughing on trains should die a slow death, if they’re not already doing so.
- San Francisco seriously smells like piss.