A Very Special Harry Potter Hump Day.

Today is awesome, so don’t even worry about it.

Why, you say? Because July 31st is Harry Potter’s birthday, and also JK Rowling’s birthday – so there’s a double dose of magic in the air. CAN YOU FEEL IT?? Just say yes, and I’ll move on.

In light of today’s most magnificent events, let’s celebrate with some familiar faces, and then cry over the fact that we’ll never get any new Harry Potter anything ever again.

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Your day will not be the same now. #harrypotter tumblrs are waiting for you…

Just go.

Medical People Should Know Better.

Well, this is just mean.

AND fucking hilarious.

But mainly mean, even though I’m currently laughing.

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Can’t you just imagine someone coming into this office, seeking help for their OCD, and then they see this directory sign –

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It’s so mean. I can’t stop laughing.

Whatever, hell probably won’t be soo bad.

Smile! You Never Know When Your Picture Is Being Taken. SRSLY.

These days, it’s just better if you make yourelf look like life is treating you pretty damn awesome than to be caught in a compromising position. Because the Internet will find you…

Well, at least it’s important for me. The rest of you can do whatever the hell you want because I’m sorta kinda into all those weird and silly pictures.

That’s why you gotta love China.

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I really hope they’re taking him for his tetanis shot, or else this behavior is in relatively bad taste.

This would be a great image to play, What’s This Kid Thinking?

My take: “And you expect me to be a fucking doctor?”

What The Hell Is This?

Oh, Internet. You’re a hoot.

You’re also fucking weird as shit.

Case in point.

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I’m glad people are dedicating their time to the really important things in life. Like Gifsforum and Reddit. It’s a community service to the world.

This Guy Is Having A Better Week Than You.

Oh, Canada. You guys are soooooo silly.

Sometimes, I think about living life as a Canadian, and how my only problems would be cold weather and deciphering if people are making statements or actually asking me questions (eh?).

But this guy seems to have his priorities in check, in great Canadian fashion.

From Gawker

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Aka, SORRY I’M NOT SORRY.

First of all, can we offer this guy a round of applause? Second, I’m far too curious in knowing what beers he drank to give him the super-strength to swim to Detriot. I’m sure the distance wasn’t exactly record breaking, but just to say you swam from Canada to America off eight beers is Superbowl commercial and T-shirt worthy.

“Oh, this shirt? Nothing much. I just drank eight beers one night and fucking swam to another country. Ain’t that some shit, eh?”

I’m glad he’s not as stressed about paying “fines and stuff” as much as he want everyone to know he succeeded. That’s a Canada I can get on board with.

C’mon, America. WE CAN’T LET THEM WIN.

Emma Stone, My Celebrity Sister.

People often ask me, how can Jennifer Lawrence be your best friend and Emma Stone not?

SILLY PEASANTS.

It’s quite simple. Jen is my best friend, but Emma and I are fucking sisters. I swear to God, somewhere we share blood because the facts are just unavoidable.

Take, for instance, her new haircut that Refinery29 just posted.

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OMG MY HAIR IS LIKE THAT RIGHT NOW, TOOOO.

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I’m also very red in the face, goddamn pale fucking complexion. It’s alright, Emma. Let’s just blame great-Grammy, who I image is named Meryl.

Additionally, Emma and I can combine name forces to create one of the most badass and strangest actresses in Hollywood.

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This doesn’t actually mean anything in terms of our sisterhood, but fuck you, it’s cool.

Anyway, besides the fact that we seem to have the same teeth (I have no real photographic evidence of this, I just believe it as fact deep in my soul), we also had similar upbringings.

  • Her last name was anglicized when her family migrated to the States – SO WAS MINE.
  • She is of very white, European descent – SO AM I.
  • She attended an all-girls Catholic high school – SO DID I.
  • She is naturally a blonde – AS AM I. (Sort of, I was born dirty blonde, but age has made me more brunette. Give it a few years, Em. You’ll catch up with the genes.)
  • She has freckles – ME TOO.
  • She is (apparently) 5’6″ in height – I’M 5’7″ SO THAT’S BASICALLY THE SAME.
  • And greenish/blueish eyes – CHECK DAT.
  • In a relationship with someone who has an accent – YUP.
  • She is a huge fan of Conan O’Brien (her twitter handle is @stonenobrien, for fuck’s sake) – YES ME TOO.
  • Seems to have an obsession/actual friendship with Ryan Gosling – ONE OF THOSE, YES.

I mean, this information is kind of overwhelming. We clearly share some DNA strand, because no one else could possibly check all of that off except for me.

Thus, Emma (or shall I call her Emily? Since that’s her real name and what her family/friends call her, heretofore ME.) and I should be reconciled and share Thanksgivings and Christmases together, and any other major holiday we see fit.

Em, what say you?

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Exactly.

My BFF’s Movie Just Got A Full Length Trailer.

It’s pretty much public knowledge that Jennifer Lawrence and I are best buds. And by public knowledge, I mean I’ve stated it here on my blog and written a bunch of awesome crap about my unconditional love for her. Nothing creepy, really.

SHAKASLAAAMMMMMM.

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Jen and the Hunger Games crew unveiled the full length trailer for Catching Fire, the movie adaptation for the second book of the Hunger Games trilogy. Cue me shitting my pants.

It must be said, because this is really important for you to keep living your life with contentment, I think Catching Fire is the best book of the series. So much happens, and it’s all sooooooo good. There’s much to be said regarding the impact this series has made, but the best part comes in twofold: 1) author Susan Collins’ commentary on socioeconomics, reality television, and government control (OMGSOMUCH), and 2) Jennifer Lawrence is the shit.

Donald Sutherland had some fabulous words to say about the depth of this series, go ahead and peep an old blog I wrote about it here. DO IT OR I’LL BE SO SAD.

Enough of this chitter-chatter. Watch, and then change your shorts, like me.

This Is The Greatest License Plate Of All Time.

But only because it’s on THIS vehicle. Otherwise this shit wouldn’t work, folks.

Puns, my dears. They’re a fucking hoot.

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Let me know you, please. I have a high five with your name on it.

See guys, this is why we need to keep teaching our youth about the English language and all its double meanings. They must learn and understand wordplay so that they can do great things like order super silly license plates like these.

For the kids and our future. Perspective, people.

Haven’t We All Been This Raccoon At Least Once In Our Lives?

Perhaps not with cat food, but I’ve tried my hand in dog, chicken, and rabbit food – so who am I to judge?

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Let’s pretend I didn’t admit to any of that.

I Have The Sense Of Humor Of A 2-Year Old.

Because I laughed wayyyyy too hard at this.

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Is the seagull giant or is the man tiny – WHAT AM I LOOKING AT??!┬áThe perspective of this picture is amazing, and whoever took it deserves a Pulitzer.

Seriously, I cannot stop staring at this seagull. Those little stick legs in perfect symmetry, and the head straight on. I can only imagine it’s about to take a fat shit on this poor tiny man walking by. Are you kidding me?? WHY. Why am I so amused?

Whatever. I’m pretty sure the seagull is looking at me, too. At least, it is with its left eye.