Happy Birthday Jennifer Lawrence, You Beautiful Baby Gazelle.

Today is an awesome day, because it marks the 23rd anniversary of my best friend’s birth.

I’m gonna make her some cake balls, because I know how much she loves cake balls. Tell ’em what you told me, Miri.

NhdYej-jennifer-lawrence-cake-balls-g-Rg7z

You probably don’t understand, but that’s okay. We’re best friends, it’s what we do.

In honor of my BFF Miri‘s birthday, here’s a list of 23 things we enjoy doing together – or so I can imagine:

  1. Eating cake balls.
  2. Eating french fries.
  3. Being in our sweats.
  4. Side-braiding our hair (I’m the braider, Jen isn’t coordinated enough HAHAHA – she’s soooo silly!).
  5. Attempting our own makeup, only to draw funny faces on each other instead.
  6. Reenacting The Hunger Games as Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck set in Looney Tunes land.
  7. Eating an entire tub of ice cream without using a spoon, just tongues.
  8. Going into public restrooms and playing fart sounds.
  9. Watching all 8 Harry Potter films while eating Chinese food with wands instead of chopsticks.
  10. Counting all the freckles on my face, and connecting them with lines.
  11. Going to a pet store and playing with all the puppies, giving them names and voices.
  12. Trying on all the dresses in the nearest thrift store, each picking one for the other to buy.
  13. Wearing the dress from #12 while watching Mrs. Doubtfire.
  14. Friday dance parties set to Now That’s What I Call Music! 4 & 5.
  15. Role playing as Tina Fey and Amy Poehler from SNL’s Weekend Update. We switch off being Tina and Amy, to be fair.
  16. Designing poodle haircuts in our spare time.
  17. Stalking celebrities at parties Jen invites me to – usually ends with us getting drunk, giggling, and running away from everyone.
  18. Inviting over my sister, Emma Stone, to prank call Ryan Gosling – because she has his number.
  19. Walking through West Hollywood, photobombing all paparazzi shots of Robert Downey, Jr.
  20. Playing with Jen’s Oscar, where she presents it to me for my role as Yorin Asshil in “The Rich Beggar.” I trip every goddamn time.
  21. Toilet-papering Josh Hutcherson’s house every Wednesday at 5:27 PM.
  22. Hanging out with Elizabeth Banks, offering plot ideas for Pitch Perfect 2.
  23. Pondering the meaning of life over a bag of chips while watching Friends and talking like we’re Hermione Granger.

Jennifer-Lawrence-Oscars-GIFs

Don’t you dare apologize, Miri – it’s your birthday! Take as many shots as you want. I’ll be there to hold your hair back later, just don’t do any rum – remember last time? Hahahahahaha!!1!

52377-Jennifer-Lawrence-I-love-you-g-5FtM

I know.

Attention Brides: Avoid This Guy.

As a bride-to-be, this is both utterly hilarious and completely absurd. Basically, it’s absurdly hilarious, or hilariously absurd. The English language can go both ways here, really.

What you should take from this job title is that it probably shouldn’t exist, and I think he’s faking it to legitimize himself.

rdHHgp1

Because those glasses and that beard are dead giveaways that “Bride” was just thrown into his job title.

He also needs to order a size up in his button ups. I’m just sayin’. Let the moobs breath, Russell.

I Think Europe And I Would Get Along Well.

Besides the fact that I’m the perfectly pallid mash-up of all things Irish and English.

But it’s stuff like this that deepens my connection to my Northern European roots.

cxtwz

I hope they, too, count double bikes as two points. It’s just simple math.

“Life” Just Got So Much Better.

And nothing says “life” like premium cotton male string bikinis.

FIVE OF THEM.

photo

*Wax not included, but highly recommended.

I’m pretty sure there are instructions on the back for how to properly tuck your balls – if they haven’t already been scared upward and turned into an ovary, that is.

Oh, the things you find at Walmart…

I’d Like To Believe This News Broadcast Was Real.

Because I laughed too hard at it. And it’s not even close to looking like a real news broadcast, by the way. Not. even. close.

It’s Friday, so I will assume my sense of humor is at an all time lazy point of the week where anything will tickle my fancy because I’m completely spent.

ORRRR maybe this is just sooooo silly and I love it.

upbKss7

Yep. The latter.

The 49ers Are On Tonight, So Everything Is Fine.

And it begins.

If you aren’t a big football fan, I’m not sure we can be friends, or why you’re reading this in the first place – the title should’ve been a dead giveaway.

Preseason NFL football is that glorious time of the year where nothing really counts but it’s still football, so it’s a smooth transition into full out fandom.

Let’s let our freak flag fly, shall we?

943204_555299767850049_415763020_n

american-football

Screen shot 2013-08-08 at 2.52.57 PM

tumblr_mdse2d1rf81qgagzgo1_400

tumblr_mfyruuGZ3y1r3tp9jo1_500

tv686OH

xjl30p3

530972_385469194861378_1236063760_n

How I Feel When Someone Asks Me If I Want To Do Anything Later.

0iS7DLe

The only exception here is for any movie midnight showing, but that’s just a given.

Ally Bruener Is My Newest Life Hero.

I’ve had my share of gigantic life altering experiences. Come October 6, 2013, it’ll be my 10 year mark since having corrective back surgery. From my own crazy events, I tend to observe, rather keenly, the way other people react and move forward from very┬áminuscule┬áto insanely huge life struggles.

Let me just say, there are a bunch of pussies out there in the world.

However, Ally Bruener isn’t one of them, and she won’t take your bullshit. No words I type will do her justice, so go check out her website yourself and laugh your ass off.

Don’t believe me? Too lazy to click? I dare you not to after reading the following.

EGohs2i

Annnnnnd click.

Could This BE Anymore San Franciscan?

Actually, this is just so West Coast, it’s practically growing a full beard.

My wonderful friend sent this to me from SFO before heading off to NYC for a few weeks. The picture was accompanied by, “Only in SFO.”

But, c’mon, what says “yoga” more than an airport?

yoga at sfo

Let’s make a list of requirements for attending the Yoga Room in the Terminal 2 Recompose Area at the San Francisco International Airport:

  • At least a third of your body must be covered in plaid.
  • Warby Parker frames, or GTFO.
  • If you bring a friend with dreadlocks, you’re class is 50% off.
  • Lululemon, or GTFO.
  • Must have at least 5 different types of fresh Farmer’s Market produce in your cloth bag.
  • Only accepts people flying to Portland, Seattle, Los Angeles, New York City, Indonesia, South Africa, or Amsterdam.
  • All participants are required to try to bring their bike on the plane. Lifetime airport yoga membership if successful.
  • No blondes.
  • Discounts for anyone who is wearing a shirt with the same pattern as the sign.

If you go to yoga over grabbing a strong drink before flying, we can’t be friends.

Jennifer Aniston Said Something Awesome.

Before the weekend approaches, I feel the need to bestow among my readers some sound advice.

No, not “Always wipe twice, or pay the price.” We should all really have a handle on that one already.

Jen, why do you enlighten us?

Screen shot 2013-08-02 at 1.52.46 PM

YES. Good lookin’ out, Jen.

Iloveyou.