Mug Shot.

I don’t drink coffee, I’m abnormally normal, but I really love coffee mugs. For instance, at work I have a giant Central Perk mug on my desk that holds a bunch of useless stuff, and my college alumni mug is the proud bearer of my water.

Believe me, if hot chocolate didn’t make my lunch always head straight for the shooter, then I’d fill ‘er up with cocoa all day, e’ery day. But that’s beside the point.

The point is, mugs are awesome, and this one deserves to be unnecessarily used in my every day life.

ZmAvE04

What an asshole.

GIVE IT TO ME NOW.

Some Men Just Want to Watch the World Burn.

I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.

I got married, then I got sick, and now I’m back to work just in time for a 4-day weekend.

PhUtBDa

Please excuse the crocs, I told you I’ve been ill.

With Thanksgiving in just a few days and December just around the corner, it’s obvious that we’re all going to get pretty fat. But let’s be thankful of all the glorious food that will soon make our bellies ache, because not everyone gets to give birth to a food baby this time of year.

However, this invention is cruel and unnecessary.

weight-watch-belt

This is why I wear stretchy pants on Thanksgiving. Jeans are unforgiving, and a belt would only hold me back, because I need to get two pieces of pumpkin pie down my throat, not just one.

And don’t even get me started on the tucked-in shirt.

PSHH. Rookie.

Happy 32nd Birthday, Ryan Gosling – Human Unicorn.

Don’t mess with perfection. Happy 33rd Birthday, you beautiful manicorn.

stubborn thoughts

It’s a very important day.

Today we celebrate the birth of Ryan Gosling – the human unicorn. The perfect specimen. A one-of-a-kind golden gift that God is so proud of He’s probably popped open a bottle of champagne and is on glass three by now. Well done, big guy. WELL. DONE.

That’s a stupid fucking question.

In honor of this great day, which I’m sure will end up becoming an international holiday at some point, let’s take a look at some of Ryan’s most recent best moments:

Ryan in a white shirt.

Ryan in a magazine.

Ryan at the airport.

Resort Ryan.

Ryan at the airport again.

Ryan playing an instrument.

Ryan in a doorway.

Ryan on a chair.

Ryan in black and white.

Ryan proving that he can make a pajama top work on the red carpet.

Ryan rubbing his eye.

kinopoisk.ru

Ryan as a pancake.

Ryan breaking up a…

View original post 13 more words

It’s Hump Day, and I’m Getting Married in 10 Days.

First off, it’s my celebrity sister Emma Stone‘s birthday today, which means I need to be home for dinner at a reasonable hour to help celebrate.

Here’s to you, Emily!

tumblr_lt4dynOz4A1qleqgs

No worries, I’ll bring the champagne.

In other news, I’m getting married in 10 days –

(OMGGGGGGGASLKDJSKDJKALFJDSGASHFDJSGKLDLFJ!@%)

– so, unfortunately, my blog is about to take a little hit on the updates.

But not today, my celebrity sister’s birthday, dammit. Thus, I shall leave you with this.

r1oVA4A

That’s a biblical name, I know it.

How I Imagine the World Sees Wall Street.

Basically, it’s a dead ringer.

‘MURICA.

65YJ9cC

“Does this suit make my wallet look big? HAHAHAHA YEA IT DOES YOU SILLY WHORE CUH-CAW-CUH-CAW! …ahhh ha. My life is empty…coo.”

B.O.O.B.

The older you get, the more you really appreciate the immature simpler things in life.

Like the way grocers line up boxes to make them spell silly stuff.

9hbJk3A

This makes a lot of sense, actually. It’s wine, after all.

Wine + BooB = SOLD.

I was going to buy wine anyway, so no-brainer.