Happy Birthday, Britney Spears! My Top 10 Favorite Music Videos from the Holy Spearit.

December is a holy month for so many reasons. First, there’s Jesus. He was born of a virgin, died for our sins, came back from the dead, and became the second most famous person in the universe.

Of course, the single most famous person in the world was also born in the month of December, and today is her birthday.

BRITNEY SPEARS.

Godney

This should come as no surprise to my readers, as I made my blogmission of undying love to the Holy Spearit a while back. Refresher.

In honor of God’s great achievement in entertainment history, present, and future (I’m talking about Britney, ya’ll), I’m listing off my 10 favorite Brit-Brit music videos. I warn you, this was really fucking hard for me to determine, because I pretty much love every goddamn video this woman has released. But, sometimes in life you have to make some hard decisions. SOOOOOMMEETTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMESS.

sometimesbs

Thanks to this video, I’ve never been able to approach a pier the same ever again. (“Where are all the dancers in white? Something is wrong.”)

Now, if you disagree with my rankings, or think I’ve left out a contender (let’s face it, that’s going to happen – WHY DID I ONLY PICK TEN?), I hope you won’t hold it against me. Making this list drove me crazy, as if it was just me against the music. But I made this blog because I was born to make you happy, and it’s toxic, I know. Regardless if you think I’m a criminal for missing any, I’m just trying to work, bitch.

That came to me far too easy. LET’S DO THIS.

10. “Do Somethin'”

This song and video are wildly underrated, and underplayed. Back when I was a dance teacher, I used to spin this baby on repeat in my classes. PUMP UP MAH JAM. Plus, look at how much fun she is having! Gotta love Playfulney.

 

9. “Work Bitch”

Let’s be real, we were all wondering what Britney would do next and how she would present herself. Her answer? Whips, leashes, exploding mannequins, and a mothafuckin’ Vegas residency. THAT is how you promote an album, ladies and gents. Plus, she is smokin’ hot, and giving me the motivation to get a goddamn promotion.

 

8. “Circus”

I hate making this list, because amazing videos like “Circus” end up in a spot like #8. I love this video, I love the sparks, I love Ringleaderney, I love the top hat, I love the lighting, and I love her in that coat. Plus, chair dance Britney strikes again! I’m beginning to think the main ingredients in her perfumes are peaches and glitter.

 

7. “Slave 4 U”

It could be snowing outside and this video would still never fail to make me yank off my scarf and fan myself. This is one of those costume design conversations that probably went something like:

“Hey, what do you think of putting this pink lacy thong over pants?”

“That’s ridiculous and will never work.”

“It’s for Britney to wear.”

“Yes, that’s a gold mine.”

 

6. “Oops!…I Did It Again”

When I first heard the title of this song, I thought it was a joke. Now? Legendary. Should’ve won so many VMAs. Remember when this (and almost all of Brit’s videos) were part of the “Making the Video” MTV show, back when MTV fulfilled its name? This was an excellent episode. The camera fell on Britney during the “star” scene. Never forget.

 

5. “Everytime”

Pardon me while I go cry. This video was such an immense break from Brit’s dance-packed material, and the concept is incredibly heavy. This is ranked #5 based solely on my emotional attachment to Britney, and how difficult it must’ve been to put herself in this deep scenario. Gah. LOOK! A baby. Feel better?

 

4. “…Baby One More Time”

I mean, COME ON. In all honesty, this should probably be ranked higher based on the fact that this is iconic, and it was also the last video shown on the greatest MTV program of all time, TRL. I’m pretty sure male attendance at Catholic high schools skyrocketed after this premiere. See? GODNEY.

 

3. “Me Against the Music”

Britney. Madonna. Britney AND Madonna. Amazing choreography, awesome dancers, great song. For me, this is a no-brainer. I could watch it all day.

 

2. “(You Drive Me) Crazy”

Although I tried to learn all of Brit’s dance moves via tape recording (didn’t you hate it when Carson Daly would only drop a snippet of a TRL video and not the whole thing? STFU.), this was the video that really did me in – I knew this dance from top to bottom. I even performed a little bit from the chorus at my wedding reception. And, hey! There’s even something for the guys in this video – check out that cleavage during the chair routine. Not gonna lie. I did, too. CHESTNEY.

 

2. “Toxic”

Yes, you read that correctly. There’s two #2’s. I could not decide how to cut one of these beauties, so I cheated and allowed a tie. You have to admit, this is a really great tie. The “Toxic” video is perfect for the song. It’s an awesome marriage between visual dreams and audio nirvana. And who would’ve thought Miss Spears looked so great as a redhead? I would be much more inclined to fly often if Brit was a stewardess. SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.

 

1. “Stronger”

This is my ultimate Britney video obsession. She just kicks so much ass in this, and she looks amaaaaaaaazing. As someone who danced for nearly 20 years, I have the upmost respect for this video, but she also completely slays the choreography and emotion of the song. Great pop song, even better pop video. It’s just Britney dancing, pure and simple. Plus, she made talking to a chair cool before Clint Eastwood ever did.

 

Honorable Mentions: “Born to Make You Happy,” “If U Seek Amy,” “I Wanna Go.”

 

 

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