First, let me start out by addressing the elephant in the room.
It’s Nicolas Cage’s 50th birthday today, so that means all other people who were born on this day are ultimately overlooked, and lose. I’m still waiting for the day I can cuddle up in my Nic Cage face blanket while watching him rub lemons on the back of the Declaration of Independence. I’m sure he sits upon stacks of gold in his European castles, yelling at emerald statues of Egyptians. I also heard he was super poor, but either way, he’s yelling.
In honor of this great occasion, let us remember why Nic Cage is the best. And one more picture, shall we?
In other news, Toy Story might be a real thing, but it’s not looking good.
Imagine them all saying in unison, “Hi [your name], we’ve been waiting for you to play,” WITHOUT BLINKING.
Elmo is scary as fuck without a hand up his ass. Yea, I said it.