Oh hey. Just another Tuesday.
So, it’s my birthday. I’m 28 and feelin’ great, it was totally worth the wait, but I still look like jailbait. And it’s just now dawning on me that I should’ve been a rap superstar.
In honor of turning 28 and, thus, being so much closer to the dirty thirty, I thought I’d borrow an idea from my good friend Vince, who made a list of all the things he’s learned for each year of his life (you should check out his blog, he’s a sassy bitch).
And so, here goes 28 things I’ve learned as I turn 28.
1. I prefer odd numbers.
2. Disney is both full of shit and the greatest thing in the world.
3. I do all my best thinking in the shower. Excluding the time I’m shaving my legs. Age doesn’t make the knees and ankles any easier.
4. I really love movies.
5. Rap music really does all sound the same.
6. Doing your own dishes feels oddly productive.
7. Sometimes, I really think I could be an actress. Amy, Tina – CALL ME.
8. Bangs (fringe, whatever) were the best thing I ever did to my unruly cowlicks.
9. If you travel to another country once, it’ll change your life.
10. Riches aren’t measured by the size of your wallet, but, sometimes, I wish my wallet was sooooo much bigger.
11. I can hardly stay up past midnight anymore.
12. I have a new appreciation of tights. Two words: LEG STUBBLE. See #3.
13. I will never stop loving Britney Spears.
14. Sometimes, I genuinely feel like punching people in the face. I usually settle with a passive aggressive elbow nudge, if anything.
15. I can’t walk and text at the same time.
16. I believe in magic (the kind from Harry Potter and what Sting was singing about).
17. I still yearn for ’90s and ’00s pop music. One Direction will suffice for now.
18. THE KARDASHIANS MUST BE STOPPED.
19. Friends can make any day better. Also, friends can make any day better.
20. Cardigans are legit, guys.
21. I’m now 10 years out of high school, and I still don’t miss it.
22. Wine is the new black. Did I type black? I meant everything.
23. Hangnails are my kryptonite.
24. I can basically style my hair any way I’d like, and that includes an afro. I SWEAR TO GOD.
25. I know Ryan Gosling is a human being, but unicorns started from horses. And Ryan Gosling.
26. Sometimes, I’ll think about how there’s no new Harry Potter books ever again, and I immediately feel sad.
27. My imagination is insaaaaaaane.
28. If you can’t make yourself laugh like an idiot, you’re doing it wrong.
I’ve got a good feeling about 28, and I’m going to celebrate the hell out of it with moderation and responsibility, goddammit.
STOP EYEING ME THIRTY.
Oh hey, cake.