As a ’90s Child, I Always Look at the Bigger Picture in Life

Anytime you feel overwhelmed from juggling your work, social life, and bowling pins, you should take a step back and think about this.


And there you have it.

Good day, sirs and ladies.

That Awkward Moment When A Kid Couldn’t Figure Out A Three Piece Monkey.

You know, THIS.



And you’re sitting at home like –

And then you’re just like –

But at the end of it all, you’re like –

Stupid fucking kids.

It really should’ve been me. As a Green Monkey, a Red Jaguar, or a Blue Barracuda.

Lori Beth Denberg Says You’re Making Her Uncomfortable.

Like all children of the 90’s, I watched and believed everything Nickelodeon told me. Of course, this was back when Nick was prime real estate and all their shows were great. There wasn’t any half hour where you’d be like, “Let’s see what else is on.” NO. Nick in the 90’s was pure gold and I’m pretty sure it’s decent into crappy television is why the world goes to war. But I digress.

All That was the SNL for 90’s kids. It was where current SNL member Kenan Thompson came from and where Amanda Bynes should’ve stayed, as a little girl who read me letters from her bedroom. So that sounds creepy now that I just thought about it, but it’s okay because I’m a girl and these inklings are allowed. Besides, “Ask Ashley” was awesome.

The other sweet, sweet part of All That was the glory of Lori Beth Denberg and her uncanny ability to give advice on the most serious of topics. Like so.

Indeed. INDEED. Also, love your Mr. Feeny shirt and vest combo. It’s very becoming and super authoritative. The 90’s were full of buttoned up layers and pit stains. It’s lovely that the style has come screaming back.

Onto another topic of relevance, New Year’s resolutions! I don’t have one, do you? Maybe mine will be to come up with a New Year’s resolution, but I’m not going to pressure myself too much. Perhaps in July it’ll come to me.

Most often, this time of the year people are pushing themselves to lose pounds and get in shape. You might be looking into gym memberships, or maybe you’re trying to actually USE your gym membership. Either way, there are other ways to lose that spare tire and feel good about yourself. Here’s one now!

All you need is some exercise and self-loathing! It’s the one-two punch to creating an awesome and better looking YOU.

Lastly, these fountains were made by the devil.

That’s all.