Halloween Costumes That Are Way Better Than Being Slutty.

Today is October 1st, which marks the official start to Halloween month!


Time to dust off Hocus Pocus and The Nightmare Before Christmas (I’m a pussy, so these are my owned Halloween movies), and begin contemplating the yearlong debate of WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO BEEEE?

I’ve dabbled in my share of the scandalous costumes, but I was also a dancer for about 20 years, so I was used to tights, unitards, and skin-tight outfits. It was the nature of the stage, dear ones.

The truth is, those packaged up, slutty costumes are absolutely no fun at all. My two favorite Halloween costumes were DIY projects: one was my junior year of high school when I dressed up as Ace Ventura Pet Detective (talk about owning yourself in the most vulnerable stage of your life), and the second was two years ago working in Las Vegas when I dressed up as Lucille Ball. I’ve never been complimented so much for my costume as I was that night in Vegas. The real victory was seeing all the trampy girls in their Whoria Van Sluttercrotch costumes look at me like they hated themselves. Mission accomplished.

Here’s the bottom line, folks. Halloween is the most fun when you use your body as a canvas instead of as the main show. Get creative, get androgynous even. Just get dressed.

For some inspiration, here are 10 people who fucking know.











BOOM. I just saved you from contracting syphilis and gonorrhea.