Posting Inside Jokes On Facebook: Who do I have to punch to make it stop?

I think I have the good folks at Apple to blame for the majority of inside jokes posted daily on Facebook. Whoever developed the idea of taking a screenshot of a private messaging conversation is a total dick and should be kicked swiftly in the esophagus.

LADIES. What is your deal? It’s always the girls who feel the need to post this shit. What exactly is the point of sharing an inside joke between friends from a private phone to a larger network of people? People you probably never think about except when 1) they’re talking about their dog or boyfriend or baby on your Facebook newsfeed, or 2) you feel incredibly happy and you want a bunch of old high school friends to validate your happiness. You know what I’m talking about, crap like this:

 

And the caption of this attention whoring usually goes something like, “OMG we’re so funny and in love and BFFs and no one else gets it! HA HA HAhaHAhAHA!!1!”

Dear CHRIST. Tina Fey, you feelin’ me on this?

Newsflash, insecure folks of Facebook! You don’t have to post conversations you’re having somewhere else in private to the Facebook world to prove that you have a decent, if totally desperate, social life. Wow – you have a¬†friend?! And look! There’s a heart by the name so he must be super special and love her and now I’m jealous and wish I was her. That’s what you’re trying to do, right? Show everyone that you have it more awesome? Dats coo.

Well I’d like to turn the tables and attention whore through my blog so I can tell you to shut the fuck up. No one cares. Those three “likes” you got are full of pity. You can bet your look-at-us ass that if there was an “attention whoring” button on Facebook, you’d have gotten a record breaking number of clicks.

So the next time you have an embarrassingly ridiculous text conversation with your boyfriend, girlfriend, baby, or dog, just be content and happy with it being between you two. Private. No one fucking cares.

please stop

 

Mr. & Mrs. JT Want You To Know They’re Married, I Guess.

I’ll never understand the purpose of celebrities selling their wedding pictures or baby pictures to the press. It’s one thing if a photo gets leaked without their permission, but it’s another when a famous couple actually goes OUT OF THEIR WAY to send the press pictures of themselves. But Mr. & Mrs. JT took this attention whoring to a whole new, advanced level with the cover of People.

Just…why? Why is this even necessary? I am not your friend (but am not opposed to the opportunity) and wasn’t invited, nor could I afford it, so why the hell are these two using People Magazine as their Facebook wedding photo album? And why is the bride taking a backseat – SITTING DOWN – when all anyone wants to see out of a celebrity wedding is the muthafuckin’ dress?

I’m totally down for some non-traditional wedding photos, and love the idea of Justin jumping here, but why does Jessica think she’s in a different time, place, and photoshoot? Girl, your sweet ass bubblegum dress is about to be stomped on by the guy from Nsync. You can’t be happy about that.

PS: No member from Nsync was present at their wedding. But Justin doesn’t give a fuck, do ya?

 

PPS: Nice Britney inclusion, People. Is it sad I still hold out hope for Justin & Britney to reunite and live happily ever after?