I’ll Never Know Which Is The Salad Fork.

When I go out to a fancy restaurant, I know I’m supposed to act like this.

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But every part of my being is trying not to do this.

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Tomorrow is my birthday and we’re going out to eat at a nice Italian place. Apparently, turning 28 and getting older doesn’t mean you’ll stop having the urge to shoot paper off a straw at your significant other, nor will it decrease your desire to shove sticks up your nose.

That doesn’t mean I’m going to do it, I’m just saying the urge is very much alive and I don’t see it going away by the time I’m thirty.

I’m totally okay with this.

Carry on with your lives.