This Guy Is Having A Better Week Than You.

Oh, Canada. You guys are soooooo silly.

Sometimes, I think about living life as a Canadian, and how my only problems would be cold weather and deciphering if people are making statements or actually asking me questions (eh?).

But this guy seems to have his priorities in check, in great Canadian fashion.

From Gawker

Screen shot 2013-07-24 at 12.49.16 PM

Aka, SORRY I’M NOT SORRY.

First of all, can we offer this guy a round of applause? Second, I’m far too curious in knowing what beers he drank to give him the super-strength to swim to Detriot. I’m sure the distance wasn’t exactly record breaking, but just to say you swam from Canada to America off eight beers is Superbowl commercial and T-shirt worthy.

“Oh, this shirt? Nothing much. I just drank eight beers one night and fucking swam to another country. Ain’t that some shit, eh?”

I’m glad he’s not as stressed about paying “fines and stuff” as much as he want everyone to know he succeeded. That’s a Canada I can get on board with.

C’mon, America. WE CAN’T LET THEM WIN.

Do Canadians Know Acronyms?

I only ask because…

The way I see it, there are three possible scenarios regarding the above:

1. She has no clue, eh?

2. Her husband got this for her and took advantage of the fact that their son’s name is Burt Jockstrap (it’s a fair guess).

3. She is clearly good at going Downsview on her husband’s Sebring.

Nonetheless, she’s got to be a valued customer and probably PTA president. Or at least an intern, right Bill?

bill clinton binders

That was so two months ago, Bill. But you should try Downsview Chrysler in Ontario.

This Exists, In Canada.

Well, at least they have universal health care because this is going to make everyone throw the fuck up and chop off their noses.

It’s hard enough imagining trying to eat Pizza Hut these days, no matter how amazing Aaron Rodgers looks in those goddamn commercials. Granted, if Rodgers really does love Pizza Hut as much as his sweet, sweet acting in those ads seem to lead on, then I will take 100 of these little bottles and bathe in their juices.

Yep. I just said juices.

Excuse me while I just –