CNN Continues To Be The Source Of Important Breaking News.

Hold the fucking phone.

This is serious, you guys.


Kinda want to punch this guy in the face.

It’s as if my breakfast over the past 28 years has been a total lie. I put my trust in Quaker Oats because I thought they were serious about who they promoted to Cap’n. And, honestly, the crunch seemed very captain-y. Now we’re not so sure? WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?

Wait…wait. This just in.

No one fucking cares. The cereal is delicious. CNN totally blows.

And he IS a real captain, sooo…

Find some real news, guys. Reddit can only take you so far.