So My Best Friend Totally Won An Oscar Last Night.

Hypothetical best friend, but that’s just a silly technicality based off the fact that we haven’t met.

Regardless, Jennifer Lawrence (who I like to call Miri, because we’re tight like that…in my head) won the Oscar last night for Best Actress and I screamed like a little girl.

jen lawrence oscar

The best part was my mom said to me after the show, “You called it! The Academy must read your blog.” To which I replied:


That’s sweet, Ma, and you’re probably right. VICTORY IS SWEET.

But not as sweet as this fall.

jen lawrence falls

Of course she fell, it’s soooooo Jen to fall. I would know, we’re best friends. And how nice was Hugh Jackman to rush in and try to help her? She had no idea there was a piece of hot Aussie ass extending his man hand out to try and assist her. It’s only the biggest moment in her career in the biggest dress of all time.


Miri sure knows how to recover though, am I right?


Let’s recap the rest of her embarrassing and perfect moments from last night.

jennifer-lawrence RC2


Jennifer-Lawrence-Oscars RC

Never change, Jen.


jen lawrence ddl

Just cheers-ing her Oscar with her fellow winners, which includes Daniel Fucking-Day-Lewis, possibly the greatest living actor right now. NO BIG. HA HA HA!

Jennifer-Lawrence-Jack-Nicholson-Oscars-GIF Jennifer-Lawrence-Oscars-GIF-10

Then, as Jen is giving a legendary post-Oscar interview, Jack Nicholson interrupts and tells her she’s fantastic and perfect and amazing and all things I already knew because we’re best friends.

RANDOM MIRI FACT: Did you know Jen/Miri hates the club scene because she “doesn’t have the stomach to get really wasted. Four drinks, and I’m barfing.” WE ARE THE SAME PERSON. (see About Me section or ask Mike.)

Basically, to sum up last night’s Oscars:

jen lawrence yea

Yep, nailed it.

You Know You’re A Movie Nerd When…

You plan in advance to dedicate your Friday night to watching Lincoln, the Steven Spielberg film chronicling the last four years of a longtime dead old president. You also use the word “chronicling” instead of just saying “that is about.”

You can have your Happy Hours, go have fun at your bars. In the meantime, my good friend Jess and I will be enjoying our wine before we head into the theater at least 30 minutes before showtime so we can pee without rushing and imprint our asses warmly into our seats as we excitedly wait for the second coming of Abe Lincoln to grace the big screen.

Isn’t it amazing that Spielberg was able to get Honest Abe to play himself? It’s as if the Lincoln Memorial suddenly came alive, shrunk itself down, colored itself in, and possessed the person of Daniel Day Lewis. Because that’s fucking Abraham Lincoln, goddammit. DDL’s name is simply attached so Hollywood can keep that shit quiet.

Eat your heart out, Hologram Tupac.

So while you’re out shooting pool or perusing barstools, I will be getting my Lincoln on. It’s Oscar season, folks!

But if you don’t give a shit about movies or Lincoln, here are some well placed marketing posters to tickle your fancy.

Well played, public marketing minions. Well played.