Can You Find All Four Mallets In This Picture?

It’s been a whole year since I’ve posted, and I promise 2014 will be better than that crappy joke I just made.

I’m sure everyone is already deep in anxiety over their New Year Resolution, but – don’t worry – soon enough, it’ll be February and you’ll feel more like –

Cyzjkt5

Until then, give it your best shot, or whatever.

Onto more pressing and educational matters, let’s play a fun game! You know those picture riddle things where you have to find all the objects and circle them? Yes.

Quick, find all four mallets.

lspzHnk

Take your time.

mQdS3xW

Okay, way too much time. Let’s see how you did.

lspzHnk2

Two words: DICK. MOVE.

Please take another few seconds to admire this utterly fantastic pun.

So much symbolism in this one picture. A bunch of young boys with wooden sticks, drooling over an older, hot girl, ready to throw their balls at her.

Never mind, this isn’t symbolism, this is a just a typical dance at my old high school.

The Shittiest Prank Caught on Gif.

Oh, God. So many emotions when I watch this gif.

But I think we can all agree that our guttural instincts can be summed up with, “Dick move.”

K1BODF

I assume this guy’s first thought was, “NOOOO FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCK.”

But upon figuring out the prank, he punched all of his so-called friends in the kneecaps and then shat himself silly.

Assholery Or Awesomery?

Yes, I made both those words up, but they felt good.

Anyway, was someone a little desperate to fill their quota today?

Let’s forget the fact that I believe this car belongs to a Who from Whoville. Clearly that car is buried deep, and the angel on my right shoulder keeps whispering some bullshit in my ear about how it would have been nice if the officer removed more of the snow – you know, to make the obvious statement of, “I CAN STILL SEE YOUR CAR, BRO.” But instead they dug in there juuuust enough so the car’s owner not only has to pay the ticket but they also have to remove all that fucking snow.

I don’t know whether this is a dick move or a brilliant show of public service.

Either way, I want to joyfully jump on the hood of that car while singing “Fah who foraze, dah who foraze, welcome Christmas come this way!”