I’m Going to Start Reading the Paper Again.

Who says printed advertising is a dying art?

Not these guys.

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Simple, effective, and bold. Kind of annoyed I can’t click on that link, though. Typing is hard.

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Well, that was unexpected. I can’t believe she still uses MySpace.

She obviously found the perfect balance of glitter gifs and motivational quotes that don’t slow down her page loading, otherwise this ad would be depressing.

I wonder what you can do on Heroin? Hopefully it isn’t as addictive as Facebook. Perhaps the substance of Twitter with the after effect of G+: quick and forgettable.

The Evolution Of Eating.

My how times have changed.

This is the way teenagers eat these days.

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This is the way I ate food as a teenager, and still proudly do to this day.

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My food isn’t meant to be remembered with Instagram and Facebook, it’s meant to be muthafucking devoured. It’s hard enough waiting until everyone has their food in front of them. My fork…it talks to me…it seduces me. And then it’s in my hand and I can’t stop.

The thought of taking a picture is the furthest thing from my head when it comes to food.

Besides, Pinterest is a slutfaced bitch. YOU TEASE ME SO.

Instagram, THE HORROR!

There’s been a slight uproar over the fact that Instagram has taken the liberty to allow itself to use any pictures uploaded to its site, regardless if users are okay with it and without paying them.

There are plenty of obvious arguments against this new policy, especially in terms of celebrity photos. If someone posts a picture of a celebrity on Instagram, can they use this to promote a product as though the celebrity is endorsing it? That would be a dick move.

But when you really reflect on the purpose of Instagram, doesn’t it just seem a little ridiculous how angry people are over this?

Ohmigod – Your casually-taken iPhone photo is being used by a major media company without you seeing any compensation for it??! WELCOME TO THE MUTHAFUCKING INTERNET.

Social media is a public outlet and you’re already choosing to share your pictures on it. If you’re pissed about not getting paid, check out some of the bloggers on HuffingtonPost and HelloGiggles and see if they get paid for their work. Look at the massive popularity of Reddit.com. It’s called exposure – that’s also a photography term, didn’t you know? The fact that you already think your vintage filtered picture of tonight’s dinner will be used by Instagram is pretty goddamn pretentious.

Maybe I’m way off base here, I’m not on Instagram, after all. I have no desire to be on Instagram. I constantly forget to upload pictures to Facebook. This past Halloween? It happened, but there’s no evidence of it on Facebook. All my friends I’d want to share those pictures with were there with me, so what’s the point?

I don’t understand people who feel the need to publicly share filtered pictures on the internet on an every day basis. Unless, of course, you are a professional photographer, in which case I’m sure you have your own site, a fancy camera, and despise people who post on Instagram with their app filters.

In conclusion, calm the fuck down. It’s what your inner attention whore always wanted. And if it’s not, just…don’t use Instagram. It’s really not that difficult of a concept. The end.

Posting Inside Jokes On Facebook: Who do I have to punch to make it stop?

I think I have the good folks at Apple to blame for the majority of inside jokes posted daily on Facebook. Whoever developed the idea of taking a screenshot of a private messaging conversation is a total dick and should be kicked swiftly in the esophagus.

LADIES. What is your deal? It’s always the girls who feel the need to post this shit. What exactly is the point of sharing an inside joke between friends from a private phone to a larger network of people? People you probably never think about except when 1) they’re talking about their dog or boyfriend or baby on your Facebook newsfeed, or 2) you feel incredibly happy and you want a bunch of old high school friends to validate your happiness. You know what I’m talking about, crap like this:

 

And the caption of this attention whoring usually goes something like, “OMG we’re so funny and in love and BFFs and no one else gets it! HA HA HAhaHAhAHA!!1!”

Dear CHRIST. Tina Fey, you feelin’ me on this?

Newsflash, insecure folks of Facebook! You don’t have to post conversations you’re having somewhere else in private to the Facebook world to prove that you have a decent, if totally desperate, social life. Wow – you have a friend?! And look! There’s a heart by the name so he must be super special and love her and now I’m jealous and wish I was her. That’s what you’re trying to do, right? Show everyone that you have it more awesome? Dats coo.

Well I’d like to turn the tables and attention whore through my blog so I can tell you to shut the fuck up. No one cares. Those three “likes” you got are full of pity. You can bet your look-at-us ass that if there was an “attention whoring” button on Facebook, you’d have gotten a record breaking number of clicks.

So the next time you have an embarrassingly ridiculous text conversation with your boyfriend, girlfriend, baby, or dog, just be content and happy with it being between you two. Private. No one fucking cares.

please stop