Lazy, Adaptive, or Stupid As F*@K?

It’s hump day, folks, which means we’re halfway to the weekend. If that little golden token doesn’t already rev your engine, then take a look at these fuckers.

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This can’t end well. In fact, let’s think of all the things that are sure to result from the above photo:

  • Mr. Muffintop has Emergency Room written all over him, because his skinny friend isn’t gonna amount to shit. Look at those gangly arms – he’s only there for verbiage and already uncommitted to any use of his 1st grade muscles.
  • That couch is going to die. Fall apart, break up, and die. There’s just no getting around it. Mr. Muffintop will fail, miserably.
  • This is clearly one of their parents’ house, just look at those lampshades and Ben Franklin’s old writing desk. Someone is going to get removed from the will. My money is on Mr. Muffintop or Stretch Armstrong up top. They’re the only ones committed to this terrible idea.
  • See ya, bannister.
  • You too, ceiling fan.
  • When the cat clears the way and actually positions itself high above ground, shit is about to go down. And that couch is the color of shit.

I only hope they sketched it out before making this attempt, like Ross did.

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Let’s Play, “Which Seat Should I Take?”

This is a fun game to break down barrier lines and really question the important aspects of humanity: what seat in the car do you want to take?

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I choose the seat next to the fine gentleman in the back sporting a pacifier. He seems totally legit, because why are we taught to stop sucking on a pacifier anyway? I like that he’s challenging the stereotype.

In other news,

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HOLY FUCK THAT IS ALL.

GTFO, Meggings.

Hi.

Apparently, meggings is a becoming a thing now. If you can’t figure out what “meggings” means, you have no imagination and I’m super jealous of you right now. It’s not a pretty picture. Let me show you, not tell.

. . .

. . . .

. . . . .

Dear God, NO. Who is to blame for this bullshit? Lil Wayne? Justin Beiber? Russell Brand? Hipsters? Are we still saying hipsters? Ugh.

Leggings and jeggings are bad enough on many women, so why – WHY FASHION GODS?!?!111 – would you want to squeeze some man meat into them?

Fellas, hear me. Please. This is the most unmanly look, on par with what you think of when seeing a girl with a mustache. Unless you are an 80’s rock star, you have no right wearing these abominations. And if you do wear them, we’re all going to know how small your penis is. Just sayin’.

So unless you’re this guy,

Don’t wear meggings. Or say meggings. Else some good samaritan punches you in the gonads to teach you your lesson.

Denim Jean Open Toe Mid Calf Boot Flat Dress Sandal Womens Shoes – These Actually Exist.

Mother of Christ that’s an unnecessary name for a shitty shoe. At least Crocs is a one syllable piece of crap. But if you think the name is bad enough, the worst part is it’s extremely accurate to its long description.

THIS. This exists.

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But wait – THERE’S MORE. They come in different colors.

 

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Too far, fashion world. TOO FAR.

If I see anyone wearing these boots/shoes/sandals/abominations to your feet, this is happening.

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And then I will introduce them to these things called JEANS. They’re like, pants…but denim. You wear them with shoes, sandals, or boots. Normal footwear.

Next thing you know the fashion world will be creating a backward heeled shoe that demeans its wearer into looking like a newborn deer.

Oh wait.