Honest License Plate is Honest.

I’ve mentioned my affinity for personalized “vanity” license plates before, and while on the look out for ridiculous things to share with you, my dear readers, I happen to choose a goddamn license plate more times than I probably should.

But I cannot. stop.

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Clearly this says “can’t walk,” but I think it’s equally hilarious that one might read it as “cunt walk.” Because who wouldn’t want to see that? I mean, that might not be a wheelchair sign on the left, it might be an ecstatic person sitting on a ball-like chair, eagerly waiting this cunt walk. Or they just can’t walk, so they’re compensating well with this fantastically creative license plate on, what seems like, a rice rocket low rider driven on living room carpet. Fitting, no?

This may or may not seal the deal on my ticket to hell.

But, hey, they started the joke. If there’s an issue, I’ll just start running. Or power walk, depending on their hand-to-wheel speed.

This Guy Has it All Figured Out.

You know that feeling of determination when you’re filling up your car with gas and you only want to spend $20? It’s kind of like an old western movie, where your hand hovers over your gun, ready to draw – but instead, it’s a gas nozzle, and your eyes are glued on those numbers ticking upward. DON’T GO OVER. DON’T GO OVER. You’ve GOT this.

I was filling up my car this morning, and I’m pretty decent at nailing the $20 flat. But this morning – sigh. $20.04.

$20.04

I’m going to see those numbers in my nightmares tonight. Goddamn last minute squeeze. My right hand totally got away from me. I let my left steer the whole way to the train station, out of pure disgust of righty.

This story means nothing to the image I’m about to show you, but it is car related.

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I’m such a sucker for a good vanity plate, especially when it plays right into the license plate rim.

This is also the best use of the handprint I’ve ever seen. I’m looking at you, Grannies.

You Know You’re Into “Game of Thrones” When…

You notice this license plate rim at a stoplight and see “Dornish.”

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And then you become immediately ambivalent towards the driver because ARE THEY GOOD OR ARE THEY BAD?

I’m in the fourth installment, A Feast for Crows, so for those who know my future – STFU.

Love me some Granny Tyrell, though.

sword-swallowers

This Is The Greatest License Plate Of All Time.

But only because it’s on THIS vehicle. Otherwise this shit wouldn’t work, folks.

Puns, my dears. They’re a fucking hoot.

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Let me know you, please. I have a high five with your name on it.

See guys, this is why we need to keep teaching our youth about the English language and all its double meanings. They must learn and understand wordplay so that they can do great things like order super silly license plates like these.

For the kids and our future. Perspective, people.

You Shall Not Pass, Asshole.

Yea. Good luck trying to cut this guy off.

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Can’t you just imagine it being a stick shift? But the stick being a mothafucking STAFF.

That Honda has been through so much. I hope the white shores provide you with great garage space. You deserve nothing less, good sir.

This Person Loves to Blow.

Whether it’s a trumpet, saxophone, or a real life penis, we may never know.

You be the judge.

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Ten bucks says it’s a Kardashian. But I might be aiming too low.