It’s Hump Day, and I’m Getting Married in 10 Days.

First off, it’s my celebrity sister Emma Stone‘s birthday today, which means I need to be home for dinner at a reasonable hour to help celebrate.

Here’s to you, Emily!

tumblr_lt4dynOz4A1qleqgs

No worries, I’ll bring the champagne.

In other news, I’m getting married in 10 days –

(OMGGGGGGGASLKDJSKDJKALFJDSGASHFDJSGKLDLFJ!@%)

– so, unfortunately, my blog is about to take a little hit on the updates.

But not today, my celebrity sister’s birthday, dammit. Thus, I shall leave you with this.

r1oVA4A

That’s a biblical name, I know it.

I Want To Make Stuff Up For Local TV News, Too.

Hi.

How do I get the job of whoever gets to write the captions below a person’s name on the news? Because THAT – I want that job.

Just to clue you in on the power of this incredibly thorough and honorary position, some examples are in order.

“Goddamn wings with their beaks and happy songs and shit. BWAAAAAAP.”

 

Most likely to never, EVER succeed. In life. Ever.

 

Now appearing in “Westside Story”…ROBERT NELSEN, ladies & gentlemen!

 

FALSE.

 

 

Hey, Niklas HJaskdofieowanejg. Cool story, bro.

 

Well played, caption writing person shman. Well played. Iloveyou.

 

How does it feel to have the cutest fucking job in the world?

 

These people with their amazing caption writing jobs have to be laughing themselves into oblivion. Because, let’s face it – people do weird shit, and someone has to tell the world. I would probably just tell the world something mostly unrelated to the person being interviewed. There would be a lot of “Likes to sniff underwear” and “Has an extra pinky finger” and “Not his real face”.

TheĀ possibilitiesĀ are endless! Sign me up.