Valar HBO-ghulis

“All men must order HBO.” Wiki that shit, it won’t come up.

Game of Thrones season four starts this Sunday.

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I cannot begin to tell you my feelings about this. Except that’s a total exaggeration (welcome to the internet) because I can, and I will. I’ll keep it simple, let’s play fill in the blank:

Game of Thrones season four premieres this Sunday and I’m feeling _______.

  • terrified
  • excited
  • anxious
  • so ready
  • pissed
  • not ready at all
  • vengeful
  • horny
  • entirely depressed, was the Red Wedding only two episodes ago?!?
  • badass
  • hopeful
  • not hopeful at all
  • hot and bothered

I’m only a few hundred pages into A Feast for Crows (that’s GoT book four, for those anti-literature fans), so I feel somewhat behind in my preparation. When the Red Wedding happened last season, I was a few chapters away from it, so I knew half of what was going on, but was blindsided by the actual wedding massacre. I’m not sure which way I would have preferred. Regardless, I feel beaten and bruised and completely pissed off, so HELLO season four! So good to see you! It’s been a goddamn year, you scarlet whore of a show.

GIVE IT TO ME NOW.

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I See What You Did There…

Of all the metaphors, puns, and endless ironies that can be put into action as a bookstore employee, I think this one is a must.

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Granted, I’m not about to sort through any of those books to find the one I want, because I am an American and I have shit to do. However, I WILL buy you a coffee and rest my hand firmly on your shoulder as a sign of good will and accomplishment.

But don’t think I won’t head over to the Fantasy section and hope to see a) Dumbledore, b) Legolas, or c) Tyrion-fucking-Lannister. I have high expectations for this bookstore.

You Know You’re Into “Game of Thrones” When…

You notice this license plate rim at a stoplight and see “Dornish.”

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And then you become immediately ambivalent towards the driver because ARE THEY GOOD OR ARE THEY BAD?

I’m in the fourth installment, A Feast for Crows, so for those who know my future – STFU.

Love me some Granny Tyrell, though.

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I Don’t Know What My Hair Does At Night.

Every morning I wake up, do a little stretch, pop my right hip – every goddamn time – and make my bed.  The latter is super important.

Then I turn around and look in the mirror and –

omg

HAIR. So much of it. So much hair in so many different angles. My strands are not at all on the same page with each other. Whether I sleep on them bone dry, slightly damp, or completely wet, they seem to have gotten totally drunk together and I’m dealing with the hangover. If only rubbing a Big Mac and fries all over my head would sort them out.

I also happen to have two very rowdy cowlicks, that I imagine goes as such during the night:

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That is a scientific cartoon, ladies and gents.

To all you people who can wake up and walk out the door without so much of a quick water pat down, I hate you with the fiery passion of Cersei Lannister during her moon blood. Now I hate you even more for making me type “moon blood.”

But it’s okay, guys. I have bangs. They are the Flintstones bandaids for hair: stylish, practical, and covers up the unwanted.

Harry Potter Hump Day #3

It’s that time again, when only Harry Potter can get you through the rest of the work week.

Allow me to assist you in this fine and reasonable demand.

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Sup Harry Potter funny celebrities pictures

For those who haven’t watched Game of Thrones Season 3 and don’t want to be spoiled – STOP. LOOKING. NOW.

Seriously, stop. Fuck off. Read the books, they’re the shit.

If the above doesn’t apply to you – prepare your mind.

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. . . . .

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SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Now the Freys, Boltons, and Lannisters (save for Tyrion, of course) must really, really, REALLY die. Because Hermione Granger is basically a Stark, and that shit ain’t right.

Just when I thought I was finally getting over the Red Wedding.

GODDAMMIT.

A Stark Outlook On Life.

GODDAMMIT.

Don’t worry, this is spoiler free. But I imagine if you’ve been on the internet, in general, you know something. (As opposed to knowing nothing, Jon Snow.)

That being said, I’m relying on the following people to make me feel better about living in this world.

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Don’t fuck this up, you guys.

I’m about halfway through the third Game of Thrones book, The Storm of Swords, so I didn’t quite make it to what played out in last night’s episode “The Rains of Castamere”, but JESUS CHRIST – that’s not gonna be easy to get over.

The fact that there’s only one more episode left in this season makes what happened last night incredibly and excruciatingly UN-FUCKING-FAIR.

/rant.

Happy Monday, one and all! Here’s something silly.

iRuIdyj

I still want to cry.

Lannisters Always Pay Their Debts.

So how much do we think they owe us for creating Joffrey?

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Besides the complete fucking ICK factor, this shitty boy king is basically the poster child against incest.