Can You Find All Four Mallets In This Picture?

It’s been a whole year since I’ve posted, and I promise 2014 will be better than that crappy joke I just made.

I’m sure everyone is already deep in anxiety over their New Year Resolution, but – don’t worry – soon enough, it’ll be February and you’ll feel more like –


Until then, give it your best shot, or whatever.

Onto more pressing and educational matters, let’s play a fun game! You know those picture riddle things where you have to find all the objects and circle them? Yes.

Quick, find all four mallets.


Take your time.


Okay, way too much time. Let’s see how you did.


Two words: DICK. MOVE.

Please take another few seconds to admire this utterly fantastic pun.

So much symbolism in this one picture. A bunch of young boys with wooden sticks, drooling over an older, hot girl, ready to throw their balls at her.

Never mind, this isn’t symbolism, this is a just a typical dance at my old high school.

Goodbye 2012, Hello 2013!

Today is New Year’s Eve, the last full day of 2012. The time when everyone devotes a few paragraphs to tell the Facebook world how awesome or terrible the last 12 months have been, and that 2013 is going to be so much better SO HELP ME GOD. Good for you, I can’t wait to see how much greater your dinners will turn out and how big your baby gets. Wait, humans grow? No fucking way, dude. Dats cool.

Anyway, I’d like to take my own few words to tell you readers how much I love and adore you. I can’t believe you landed on this page and are reading these words. Poop. You just read poop. Thank you for reading and I hope to keep you coming back for more in 2013!

For this next year, I wish you good health, happiness, and all the sweater onesies in the world.


A very Happy New Year to everyone!