He Who Must Not Be Calculated.

Wait a tec. I could’ve sworn Harry killed him.

FUUUUUUUUUU – Clearly, the holder of this calculator is the new Chosen One and now has to enter his school’s Chamber of Secrets, find a basilisk fang, and stab this evil fucking TI-84 Plus (it’s a PLUS, makes it so much harder).

This is the one and only option. There is no other explanation for this cryptic message. None.

It’s going to take you 6 years to do this, man. But you’ll probably hook up with your best friend’s sister by the end of it all, so there’s some incentive. Good luck to you, and may the odds be ever in your favor.

Wait…back up. Totally crossing over.

Ahem. Help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it.

Expelliarmus, bitches.

12 Ways To Take Advantage Of Today’s Numerical Power of 12.

It’s 12/12/12 so that means it’s more possible to do whatever you want in life today than any other day. It’s a very different day, today. Very, very different.

Things to try today because they require numerical magic:

1. Sneeze with your eyes open.

2. Lick your elbow.

3. Ride a unicorn.

4. Take a graduate class at Hogwarts.

5. Use above class skills to rid the world of Twilight.

6. Find Britney Spears, give her a hug, and train her to dance again.

7. Learn how to fly by flapping your arms.

8. Have sex with Ryan Gosling.

9. Merge into traffic like you’re in a bumper car.

10. Punch Christina Aguilera in her left boob.

11. Cancel all the Kardashian shows from E!

12. Win the lottery. TELL NO ONE.

Life is short, isn’t that what they say? I think it’s average height, nearing tall. I also believe in this.