You plan in advance to dedicate your Friday night to watching Lincoln, the Steven Spielberg film chronicling the last four years of a longtime dead old president. You also use the word “chronicling” instead of just saying “that is about.”
You can have your Happy Hours, go have fun at your bars. In the meantime, my good friend Jess and I will be enjoying our wine before we head into the theater at least 30 minutes before showtime so we can pee without rushing and imprint our asses warmly into our seats as we excitedly wait for the second coming of Abe Lincoln to grace the big screen.
Isn’t it amazing that Spielberg was able to get Honest Abe to play himself? It’s as if the Lincoln Memorial suddenly came alive, shrunk itself down, colored itself in, and possessed the person of Daniel Day Lewis. Because that’s fucking Abraham Lincoln, goddammit. DDL’s name is simply attached so Hollywood can keep that shit quiet.
Eat your heart out, Hologram Tupac.
So while you’re out shooting pool or perusing barstools, I will be getting my Lincoln on. It’s Oscar season, folks!
But if you don’t give a shit about movies or Lincoln, here are some well placed marketing posters to tickle your fancy.
Well played, public marketing minions. Well played.