Hump Day Honesty, From Conan O’Brien.

This might be the most truthful statement on the internet, right now.

Conan is also the greatest human in the world, so it really makes sense.

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NOTE: let us remember that Ryan Gosling is not a human, but a manicorn born out of the Milky Way. So my evaluation that Conan is, indeed, the greatest human being, stands uncontested.

When I Attempt To Look Under The Hood Of My Car.

Somehow, I always believe that every time I pop the hood up, it will be different, and I’ll know what the fuck I’m looking at – as if magical mechanics dust will blow up at my face as I lift the hood and all will be illuminated.

But then I just stand there.

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And part of me thinks, What the hell are doing standing in front of a running car, you fucking idiot?

Where’s That Silly Geico Camel At?

It’s hump day, mofos, and I can’t get enough of this commercial.

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It’s like, the older I get, the more easily amused I become. Fart jokes? EVEN FUNNIER NOW.

So today, I’m feeling gooooooood.

How good? THIS good.

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I’m totally doing it, too. But you don’t see me.

Probably for the best.

Harry Potter Hump Day, Part Deux.

Because I’m the Chosen Blog and it’s only the greatest day of this week.

Except for tomorrow, when there will be two – TWO – episodes of Parks & Recreation. That’s one whole fucking hour.

Nonetheless, today is Wednesday, also known as Hump Day. Let’s get through mid-week together with some Potterness, shall we?¬†YES.

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12 Ways To Take Advantage Of Today’s Numerical Power of 12.

It’s 12/12/12 so that means it’s more possible to do whatever you want in life today than any other day. It’s a very different day, today. Very, very different.

Things to try today because they require numerical magic:

1. Sneeze with your eyes open.

2. Lick your elbow.

3. Ride a unicorn.

4. Take a graduate class at Hogwarts.

5. Use above class skills to rid the world of Twilight.

6. Find Britney Spears, give her a hug, and train her to dance again.

7. Learn how to fly by flapping your arms.

8. Have sex with Ryan Gosling.

9. Merge into traffic like you’re in a bumper car.

10. Punch Christina Aguilera in her left boob.

11. Cancel all the Kardashian shows from E!

12. Win the lottery. TELL NO ONE.

Life is short, isn’t that what they say? I think it’s average height, nearing tall. I also believe in this.

What Should We Call It?

Cher, a little help please?

 

When a friend seems to have fallen off the face of the earth because she’s too busy doing absolutely nothing with her boyfriend.