Stop Everything You’re Doing.

Everyone needs to put their babies down, rip themselves away from Facebook, and go see Iron Man 3. Like, right now. Work means nothing, the real world is one in which Iron Man is exists and Tony Stark is RDJ. Universal truth, ya know?

Just…do it. Do it with the joy of a thousand fat kids watching a chocolate fountain while eating a double scoop cone of Rocky Road ice cream. (Can you imagine the chubby, smiling face? With eyes the size of an ant.)


I don’t know why you’re still here, but since you’re around, let me fill you in on something about me.

This is what I’d be like in a yoga class.


Now get the fuck outta here and go watch someone better than you be a badass.

Guess What? It’s Gonna Be May.

It’s the last day of April, and if NSYNC has taught me anything in life, it’s that the month of May will be a doozy.


Love, you guys. May is the true month of love. Because NSYNC live action Ken dolls told us so, and millennial pop music never lies.

I don’t know why Justin Timberlake had such an infatuation with the month of May, but he did, and he’s made me a big fan of the month.

First, it sounds a little like “me,” and I dig that. It’s your own month. The month of –

Screen shot 2013-04-30 at 8.33.55 AM

Second, Iron Man 3, bitches.

May kicks off summer movie season, and just typing that out made me pee a little.

Big blockbuster movies are getting ready to blow our minds (or not, sometimes summer movies totally suck ass – I’m looking at you, Transformers 2 & 3). And there are those little summer indie movies that are like the lemonade to your juicy blockbuster burger. Yessssssssssss. Goddammit, YES.

But this month of –

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…will be exceptionally amazing for one very distinct and specific reason.



April 30th could not get over faster.

Justin, an outro, if you please.


NERDGASM! “Iron Man 3” Trailer Released.

Omg. OMG. O-M-G.

I have so many emotions, but the main reaction that really sticks out in my head is FUCKING AWESOME.┬áIt’s going to be a wonderful birthday month for yours truly.

Mr. Stark, why don’t you step up here and make us pee our pants in excitement.