Something Naughty, Something Nice.

Merry Christmahanakwanzika!

Hey! The world didn’t end! Isn’t that super exciting??! We’re still here! This only means one thing: John Cusack and the Mayans are dirty little tricksters with whore mouths. Clearly.

Now that that’s behind us (as if it was really ever a worry), let’s take a look at two disturbing – one less disturbing – holiday centric…things.

First, a Christmas angel.

. . . . .

I’m not going to…I can’t even….Virgin Mary? Nope. Not gonna go there.


And now, the Gummie-Bear Centipede.

Delicious, no?

You want to feel disgusting, but you’re a little turned on, too. Or hungry. It’s just too bad the green ones have to be half of this.


And you’re welcome.

Happy Holidays everyone!

The Real Reason Why The Mayans Didn’t Finish Their Calendar.

Fuck civilization.¬†When you’re offered booze, you take the booze.

My guess is the Mayans missed the inclusion of leap years and daylight savings when someone distracted them with the discovery of margaritas and beer kegs.

On that note, how ridiculous is this end of the world talk? We might as well have this discussion at the end of each calendar year, because that’s literally all the Mayan hoopla is about.

But if that doesn’t ease your impending doom mentality, think of it this way: there’s no way John Cusack (2012) would be the one to save the world. He’s far too panicky, so this whole conversation is moot. Talk to me on any Fourth of July and I’ll tell you, “Shit, aliens. But we’re good because Will Smith exists.”

Fortunately for us, Dennis Quaid and Jake Gyllenhaal aren’t in any immediate danger right now, because Friday just so happens to be…DUN DUN DUNNNN!