This Is The Worst Thing You’ll See All Day.

DEAR. GOD.

I don’t know whether I should leave her on the side of the road or if I should make some popcorn and sit on her to watch Game of Thrones.

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Thanks, US Magazine. For burning my retinas.

Floral turtleneck maternity dress with matching (or are they part of the sleeves???) gloves.

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Add in dead-eyed, pervy zombie Kanye as her accessory and this becomes the worst red carpet look of all time. I’m pretty sure Bjork’s famous swan dress lives in Kim’s dress and is off squawking for it’s mother right now.

UGH. They really make me hate the letter “K”. Which sucks, because it’s usually my favorite letter of the alphabet.

Damn you, E!

The Difference Between a Douche and a Dick.

My significant other and I were recently discussing the distinguishing factors between people who are douchebags and those who are dicks. He willing admits he can be a dick sometimes, but I think it’s just a common misconception about folks who have grown up on the East Coast. There’s a brevity about the language and tone of voice used when East Coasters chat with each other. It’s not meant for any harm, but when they travel around and find themselves in the cushy corners of the West Coast, suddenly people are crying and yelling about these foreigners being dicks. And so the world turns.

Mike (said significant other) is a good guy. Nah – a fuckin’ amazing one. Sometimes he’s even a little too hard on himself when he’s too unselfish or nice – seems a little odd, right? Growing up in the Greater Boston Area can turn a guy callous, constantly watching his back for that eventual stabbing feeling. And even with this notion, he’s a great guy. He’s given me thicker skin while I’ve given him overt amounts of sunshine and daisies. It’s a decent trade off, especially since California is full of people that want to pet you and make you feel like everything is gonna be cool, man, because we’re sensitive to your feelings. This isn’t exactly the street rules where Mike is from. Every man for himself, that’s what he’s used to. Family loyalty is law but that won’t stop the name calling and shouting. It’s all out of love. In the Golden State, name calling and shouting leads to lawsuits and tears. And why do all these California guys wear such tight fucking pants? WHERE DO THEY PUT THEIR PENIS AND BALLS? These are common observations from a non-California born male.

And this is why, from time to time, Mike sees himself as being a bit of a dick. He can be short with people because he just wants to get something done. But he’s worked enough customer service jobs in his 27 years to always make people of every type feel appreciated, even if it’s just a simple, “How ya doin’ today?” His collar will always be blue, and I love him for it.

That led our discussion to what makes someone a douche. The real difference we concluded to was the fact that a douche is a person filling a facade and trying way, way, WAY too hard. They’re being someone who they’ve specifically set out to be, craving the attention of a certain type of person. It’s an act and it slowly makes them ignorant and dumb, whereas with a dick, you know what you’re getting at all times and you know they can also be a good person behind that stone face after, lovingly, calling you an asshole.

While living and working in Las Vegas, I met a ridiculous amount of douchebags. They ranged from tourists who were looking for a two night escape from the norm, thus decided to be douchebags in order to score that skanky ass bitch who just fell down from being drunk for 5 hours, to the VIP Hosts who only took the job so they could make themselves up every night to get the attention of the hottest guys that visit and leave Sin City every weekend. They act suave and well-to-do, but they really have absolutely nothing going for them, except that chick’s number. Of course, there are exceptions to this stereotype, there always is. But this is pretty much the doing of the douche. And it’s equal opportunity, men and women.

Another point to be made, a douche can be a dick but a dick cannot be a douche. Bring that one up in seminar one day and kick up your feet for a while.

Also, this:

And this.

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And Cris Angel.

I hope we’ve all learned something here and take more consideration when labeling someone a douche or a dick. These are words, people. Treat them with care.