Ladies, ’90s Fashion Was Only Meant For One Person.

The reemergence of ’90s fashion really kinda bums me out.

By now, you should know very well how I feel about crop tops, but the fact that fashion hasn’t stopped there, and the whole high-waisted, bra-top phenomenon that made the ’90s so wonderfully psychotic is back in full force – who the fuck do I need to judo chop over this?

Remember 5-10 years ago, we all looked back at the ’90s and were like, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAOMGGG SO AWFUL!!!! How did we suddenly black out on this very important fashion admission – that ’90s style was uncomfortable and embarrassing – that we’ve subjected society to the SAME. GOD. DAMN. MISTAKES?

I think Fashion – yep, I’m totally personifying it – is such a bastard, and she’s playing a joke on all of us.

Let’s take a look at some of the recent celebrity victims of this ’90s epidemic.

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“That high-waisted, poofy, scrunched up jeans mini skirt looks really great, Rihanna!” – Said no one ever. But I think I could ask her to hold my chapstick in the top of her waistband.

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God, STAHP.

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Katy, WHY? You’re wearing a real-life sports bra, dear. Just grab some spare materials, sew these pieces together, and that’s a funky, awesome dress.

Ladies, there is one – and ONLY one – woman on the face of this planet who can rock the ’90s look with no qualms, ifs, ands, or buts.

Kelly. mothafuckin. Kapowski.

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I rest my case.

Happy Galentine’s Day! The 5 Best Femaleships in Hollywood.

It’s the day before Valentine’s Day, which means today the female race is prepping either for depression or excitement. I’m sure no matter what the emotion is, we’ll all read about it on Facebook with accompanying pictures of flowers, candies, or single-lady wine.

So let’s hold off preparing for the onslaught of attention seekers and take some time to celebrate us ladies! I don’t give a shit if you have a boyfriend, husband, girlfriend, booty call, nobody, or an animal lover (just don’t EVER tell me), today is about breasties before testies, ovaries before brovaries, uteruses before duderuses.

In light of the best day ever, I’m counting down the five greatest female friendships in Hollywoodland, according to yours truly. That’s me! (Because it’s the only opinion that matters on this blog.)

LET’S KICK IT.

5. Oprah Winfrey & Gayle King

image source: people.com

I mean, duh. They aren’t number one because these two ladies are such a mainstay over the past five billion years that it’s just not fair to the rest of the famous females to give them the top spot. But rest assured, there’s always a reserved space for Oprah and her King.

4. Tiffani Thiessen & Jennie Garth

image source: usmagazine.com

Can you believe Kelly Kapowski/Valerie Malone and Kelly Taylor are real life BFFs?? This is a match made in ’90s heaven! The Kellys may have been mortal enemies on 90210, but they’ve been gal pals since Kelly 1 started on set with Kelly 2. They just make me feel so old and wonderful, my childhood is just squealing with glee inside!

3. Nicole Kidman & Naomi Watts

image source: theworldofcelebrity.com

THESE TWO. They’re like Winnie the Pooh and Piglet, but only in height. N-squared met and best-friended each other before becoming two of the most talented and refined actresses in the fucking world. My GAWD – can you imagine being a gigantic acting heavyweight with your BFF? I bet they play Barbies together using their award statues they’ve racked up between them.

2. Jennifer Aniston & Courtney Cox

image source: huffingtonpost.com

This best friendship is literally a dream come true. The fact that Rachel Green and Monica Geller are real life BFFs simply makes life better and unicorns exist. They both went through very public divorces/breakups and are still individually hugely successful. They’re just like, Ohh heyyyy, we’re hangin’ out in Cabo being massively talented old co-stars together and still humungous celebrities of television and movies. NO BIG DEAL. And you know what they say: friends who vacation together, stay together. Unless you’re Taylor Swift.

1. Amy Poehler & Tina Fey

image source: tressugar.com

LET’S BE A TRIPOD GODDAMMIT. Was it really much of a surprise I’d have them at the top spot? Knope. ‘Nuff said.

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