Friends, Lent Me Your Ears

Ah, religion. What a tricky thing it is, right? For some people, it’s out of sight and out of mind, but for others, they dedicate their lives to it. A part of Christian tradition that even non-believers tend to enjoy is Lent. Let’s explore.

Today marks Ash Wednesday, the start of 40 days of self-punishment, some might say. I don’t see it as self-afflicting, because it’s supposed to be an encouraging time for improving and getting rid of your “self.” Getting rid of something you’re too reliant on, adding something daily you wouldn’t normally make time for, or doing anything good for others. In my family, I was raised to create a new, healthy habit in life, and hope it sticks. Now is the time to encourage goodness in your life, if – at least – just for 40 days.

This year, I’m listening to my husband and cutting out all phone use while at home. Working at a tech company has given me a less than attractive habit of always looking things up and being stimulated by what’s new every 10 seconds. I’m going to let it go like Idina Menzel and be totally present in the company of my man. Isn’t it rather sad I’m even having to commit to that? I don’t even think I’m that bad, but my hubby believes differently, and – hey – there’s only one way to find out. Remove the tech teat.

My other Lent goal is to quit dropping the F-bomb so casually all the damn time. I’m getting too used it, which completely demeans the strength and goodness of an amazing F-bomb. Besides, as a writer, I should be more creative. Or British, because those guys have far better verbiage for these sorts of things.

In honor of the Lenten season, and for those who haven’t figured out what they could drop or add to their daily lives, here are five ideas for this modern age:

1. Give up using the word “literally.” Please. Buzzfeed, lead the pack on this one.


2. Use the full spelling of your words. No abbreviations. Here’s looking at you, Meg. 😉


3. Read more, text less.


4. Handwrite letters to family and friends.


5. During your work commute, put away your phone, tablet, or book, turn off your music, radio, or movie/TV show and just be with your thoughts.


Words To Live By.

Aren’t the folks at Westboro Baptist Church just the worst?

Anytime they’re in the news, I’m just like –


They’re always complaining about something, which really goes against everything that I cherish about faith. I believe Mark 2:13 says, “The glass is half full, Steve.” Or something like that. It’s nearly a direct quote from Jesus, that much I know.

So on this fine Friday during Lent, let’s all promise to be good to each other, smile more, judge less, and fart loudly in public. There’s nothing more joyful than hearing someone fart, am I right? I personally am not a loud farter – and prefer it that way, I am a LADY, damnit – but when I hear someone else do it, it’s like a unicorn walked into the room and it’s tickling me.

Yes, I’m 27 years old. Farts are funny as hell, get over it.

Also on the list of words to live by, observe.


Somewhere in the heavens, God is slow clapping. Don’t be alarmed by the thunder.