It’s the End of My Twenties And I Feel Fine

Today marks the start of my dirty thirties. I am 30 years old. Thirty. Three-zero. Fourth decade of life.

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Alright I went too far with that last one, because that’s some freaky shit right there.

What better time to revive my hilarious and not-award-winning blog? Exactly. Glad we’re on the same page again, readers. And by readers, I mean my mom. Hi mom.

It seems pretty standard for people to lose their shit when one of these milestone birthdays peer deep into their souls and cause them to stare in a mirror, crying about all the insane expectations we had when we were younger about where we’d be at 30. Hey, weren’t you supposed to be an astronaut and take a few spins around Mars like, five years ago? No? What a loser.

What I learned in my twenties was to scrap all your preconditioned ideas about what you’re supposed to be, where you’re supposed to be, when you’re supposed be, how you’re supposed to be, and why you’re supposed to be at a certain age. It’s just total bullshit to have those expectations because the best parts of life are the unexpected moments and people who rock your world without any formulated plans.

My boss, Ron Swanson, gave me the perfect gift to accompany this wisdom. Lagavulin 16 scotch whisky and a note that ended with OMNIA PARATUS: Ready for anything.

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In my now thirty years, I’d like to think one of my best qualities is being scrappy, an improv master, and all around make it work aficionado. Our teachers, parents, and coworkers will continuously tell us to ask as many questions as possible. No question is dumb, they said. I’m here to offer an amendment to this rule: take some time to think, let shit sink in, because you can probably answer the question yourself. Or just fucking Google it. Whatever means you choose, you are capable of being the answer, the solution, the method. Find your way, goddammit.

Here’s a list of 15 things I want to achieve this decade, no questions asked:

1. Visit my homeland, Ireland, and relish in all the pale glory.
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2. Watch more good television, and stop assuming Parks & Recreation is still going on.
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3. Start writing a best-selling novel that JK Rowling lauds as the best thing since Harry Potter.
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4. Start writing my biography that will become a feature film starring my celebrity twin, Emma Stone. Emma Watson will be my second choice, but only if she keeps the British accent.

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5. Work with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.
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6. Become best friends with above.
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7. Be the “Freakshow” guest at Britney’s Piece of Me show and be whipped by a fucking goddess.
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8. Become best friends with above and begin concocting a plan to unite her and Justin in holy matrimony.
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9. Invent a flying car so we can do this future shit right already.
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10. Become an Avenger. I already have hardware in my back, Stan Lee. Come at me.
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11. Witness Leonardo DiCaprio win an Oscar.
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12. Be in the audience and watch my brothers HardNox perform on Saturday Night Live.
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13. Finally have that sleepover party with my BFF Miri (Jennifer Lawrence, for those out of the loop).
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14. Play Tina Fey in her lifetime movie about her beginnings and career. I’d be so good, you don’t even know.
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15. Experience 7 minutes in heaven with Ryan Gosling. My husband is fully supportive of this.
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This will be a piece of cake.

Unnnghh…cake.

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Happy Birthday, Leslie Knope / Amy Poehler! I Hope You Win All The Emmys.

It’s time to stop being productive (or surfing for great tumblrs), and give thanks for a few minutes.

Today is Amy Poehler’s birthday, along with her televised alter ego, Leslie Knope. Two of the greatest people on the planet.

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God, you gifted S.O.B. (it’s an expression! DON’T LIGHTNING BOLT ME.), thank you for bestowing upon us such a wonderful little firecracker.

Let’s observe her wonder.

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Yes. Yes, you abso-fuckin-lutely are, Amy.

Leslie Knope Would Be So Proud.

San Franciscans can be so clever.

They also must be really small.

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This tiny little sand park cropped up in the Balboa neighborhood of good ‘ol SF. I’m not sure what it does or how it came to be, but none of that matters because it has a hula-hoop and I will hula-hoop everyone’s face off.

Regardless of whether this little park will hold its ground for much longer, one thing can be for certain: somewhere, Leslie Knope is damn proud. It may not have turned out the way that only Leslie Knope could turn a tiny piece of nothing into something –

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but that’s not the point.

Enjoy the little things, and watch Parks & Recreation.

I’m pretty sure those were the only two lessons to be had here.

Just Living Out My Dream Of Being Leslie Knope…

I present to you, a very Huddler Halloween!

A few of us got together and took on the spectacular personas of the Parks & Recreation cast. Basically it was a dream come true and now I’m craving waffles with a mountain of whipped cream.

First, the inspiration:

 

And now, the final result. I think Ron Swanson would even approve.

 

From the left: Ben Wyatt, April Ludgate, Ron Swanson, Andy Dwyer, Leslie Knope, Chris Traeger, Tom Haverford, Jean-Ralphio, and Ann Perkins.

 

Happy Halloween everyone!

A Week Devoted to the Great Return of NBC’s Parks & Recreation.

PARKS & RECREATION COMES BACK THIS THURSDAY AND I’M EXCITED ABOUT IT.

Okay so if you haven’t noticed from the number of previous posts I’ve written showering my unconditional love for the show Parks & Recreation, I kinda dig this program. It’s awesome and it returns to form this week so I’m dedicating my blog to a bunch of Park & Rec posts. If you haven’t caught up on this show yet or don’t know who Ron Swanson is, I feel super sorry for you – you must be incredibly unhappy and unfulfilled with yourself, in general. But don’t worry, there are ways to become joyful and prosperous again! Netflix, Hulu, and a bunch of illegal sites are eagerly awaiting your viewership. Do it. And stick it out through Season 2 because Season 1 is a whopping 6 episodes and thus automatically doesn’t ask for your judgement.

For today’s honorary clip, it comes from one of my favorite episodes of television of all time. From Season 3’s “The Fight,” after everyone enjoys some healthy Snake Juice cocktails.

 

Let’s take a closer look at the gloriousness that is Ron Swanson wasted.

Oh my God. I’m just….I’m so happy.