That One Time Papa Bear Got Caught Watching Porn.

It must be said, Disney really knows what they’re doing when it comes to sexual innuendoes. When you’re young and innocent, all the sexually charged tidbits in your favorite Disney movies go completely over your head. And yet, when you reach a certain age where you suddenly look at the screen and see an erect penis, you’re not totally appalled and missing your childhood as much as you’re absurdly impressed they had the balls (heh) to put out the vibe.

Sure, you can argue Disney is a giant monopoly full of old perverts. And you’re probably right. Based on Nala’s fuck-me eyes alone, there were a lot of tensions and circle jerks and orgies during the making of The Lion King. To be fair, they had just killed off Mufasa, so they deserved to have a good time and forget their worries. Hakuna matata. Nonetheless, at one point in your life, childhood nostalgia and adult acknowledgement intertwine and live happily ever after.

That being said, Papa Berenstain Bear needs to take a clue from Disney’s subtlety and brush it under the rug, because mister is OBVIOUS about his porn.

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By the look of Papa’s face, and his slightly unbuttoned shirt, he saw just enough of what he needed.

It’s cool. His copy of Busty Bears in Trees┬ástill remains safe and unseen in his hidden honey stash.

Lessons Learned From Disney.

There’s so much Disney has taught me from a young age, it’s hard to keep track of it all.

Here are a few examples:

  • Magic exists.
  • Mice are basically tiny humans.
  • I should be able to sing with animals.
  • I will likely marry a prince no matter my socioeconomic status.
  • My best friend should probably be a talking animal, preferably one that can sit on my shoulder.
  • Lions are cuddly and in no way harmful.
  • My dinnerware should sing to me while serving me food.
  • Someone is always out to kill me, and they’re likely in my family.

Now I can add this one to the list.

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Goddammit. This is a hard pill to swallow.

Thank you, Disney. Once again you are full of wisdom and sexual undertones.