I Want To Make Stuff Up For Local TV News, Too.


How do I get the job of whoever gets to write the captions below a person’s name on the news? Because THAT – I want that job.

Just to clue you in on the power of this incredibly thorough and honorary position, some examples are in order.

“Goddamn wings with their beaks and happy songs and shit. BWAAAAAAP.”


Most likely to never, EVER succeed. In life. Ever.


Now appearing in “Westside Story”…ROBERT NELSEN, ladies & gentlemen!





Hey, Niklas HJaskdofieowanejg. Cool story, bro.


Well played, caption writing person shman. Well played. Iloveyou.


How does it feel to have the cutest fucking job in the world?


These people with their amazing caption writing jobs have to be laughing themselves into oblivion. Because, let’s face it – people do weird shit, and someone has to tell the world. I would probably just tell the world something mostly unrelated to the person being interviewed. There would be a lot of “Likes to sniff underwear” and “Has an extra pinky finger” and “Not his real face”.

TheĀ possibilitiesĀ are endless! Sign me up.