News That Doesn’t Matter: What Will Kim and Kanye’s Baby Look Like?

It seems as though Kanye hasn’t just gotten into Kim’s closet and tore shit up. Apparently, he also got all up in her uterus and it’s growing some sort of spawn now.

Firstly, I’d like to offer my congratulations – I hope the baby comes out healthy and isn’t nearly as arrogant as its parents. But let’s be honest, that child is literally made of the two most annoying people in entertainment.

That being said, there are a few ways this could work out. Let’s go over some as if we care/know who these two lovebirds are!

1.  If it’s a girl and she gets Kim’s ginormous ass and Kanye’s musicality.

 

2.  If it’s a boy and gets Kim’s sexuality and Kanye’s douchebaggery.

 

3.  If it’s twins.

 

Well, crap.

Let’s hope Ryan Gosling makes 10 babies to offset the tough times ahead.

Ryan Godsling

Claw Nails: How Do We Make This Trend Stop?

LADIES. No.

These are my top five questions for any self-respecting female sporting claw nails:

1. What the fuck?

2. Are you serious?

3. Why does your hand look like it came from the limb of an eagle?

4. Do you type with your elbows or your knuckles?

5. How many times a day do you stab yourself? (I hope thirteen.)

I think Rihanna and Lady Gaga are to blame for this atrocious trend (and, sad to say, Adele). Though I presume the two real trendsetters were:

The Wicked Witch of the West

And Lord Voldemort.

Just…make it stop. Take them off. TAKE THEM OFF.