It’s Official: Justin Timberlake Is The Love Child Of Bruno Mars & Ryan Seacrest.

Hey, JT.

Now, I’m only saying this out of love but, Bruno Mars called and wants his 2012 Grammy performance back.

Justin Timberlake is trying the doo-wop, throwback thing. You know, the thing Bruno Mars has been do for the past few years now. Which really only means that JT is trying really, really hard to extinguish the fact that he was a member of NSYNC.

Hey. IT HAPPENED. Don’t deny it, Justin. In fact, we love you even more for it. Take a lesson from your new BFF Beyonce and the way she adores her DC3 gal pals.

Anyway, I’m sure some people think he looks sexy and hot like this, but no. You’re trying too hard and now you look like Ryan Seacrest.

Even his bow tie is sad.

Look, at some point in Justin’s massively successful solo career, he’s going to have to accept the fact that he was in NSYNC and he should be damn proud of it. Embrace the history, JT. There’s no escaping it and people are going to want a reunion sooner or later. (This I Promise You, J. *winkface*)

DON’T BE A DICK, DUDE.

Also, I dig your music, and your comedic chops, and your “serious” acting side (HAHAHA). But do you, man. Because you’re pretty fucking good at it.

Mr. & Mrs. JT Want You To Know They’re Married, I Guess.

I’ll never understand the purpose of celebrities selling their wedding pictures or baby pictures to the press. It’s one thing if a photo gets leaked without their permission, but it’s another when a famous couple actually goes OUT OF THEIR WAY to send the press pictures of themselves. But Mr. & Mrs. JT took this attention whoring to a whole new, advanced level with the cover of People.

Just…why? Why is this even necessary? I am not your friend (but am not opposed to the opportunity) and wasn’t invited, nor could I afford it, so why the hell are these two using People Magazine as their Facebook wedding photo album? And why is the bride taking a backseat – SITTING DOWN – when all anyone wants to see out of a celebrity wedding is the muthafuckin’ dress?

I’m totally down for some non-traditional wedding photos, and love the idea of Justin jumping here, but why does Jessica think she’s in a different time, place, and photoshoot? Girl, your sweet ass bubblegum dress is about to be stomped on by the guy from Nsync. You can’t be happy about that.

PS: No member from Nsync was present at their wedding. But Justin doesn’t give a fuck, do ya?

 

PPS: Nice Britney inclusion, People. Is it sad I still hold out hope for Justin & Britney to reunite and live happily ever after?