Treat Yo Self To Some Great TV Tonight.

This is your Fall TV alert sounding off, telling you to make plans with your couch tonight. I hope you paid extra for DVR, otherwise you’ll have to wait some stupid 17 hours or something for Hulu to get their shit together.

Anywho, I’m so excited for tonight, because I’ve just realized – as of today – my Thursdays have become a night of Must-See-TV, once again. It also means I’ll have no time to shower, so I’ll just bathe in my tears (have you SEEN Parenthood?).

In tonight’s lineup:

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Thursday Night Football. Sometimes this won’t be as big of a deal, depending on my fantasy players schedules, but the Niners play tonight, so I’ll be a nervous, shouting, pacing wreck. The channel won’t be changed, unless we’re either a) kicking SO much ass that my devotion is redundant, or b) losing so very, very badly that my devotion is redundant. Either way, it’s football, and nothing makes me happier than grown men in tight pants wrapping each other up and crashing to the ground.

Parks and Recreation - Season 5

Parks & Recreation. Season 6 starts tonight, it will be recorded, just in case the game runs long. I thought this was actually premiering last week after I mistakenly read their Facebook posts as “THIS WEEK” rather than “ONE WEEK.” That was a harsh reality. Regardless, my favorite cast is back tonight, so I feel pretty damn invincible – I might try stopping a bus with my bare hands later.

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Parenthood. Just typing out the name of the show made me cry a little. If you haven’t been watching this show, you probably haven’t cried enough in your life. Stop bottling up your emotions, let the feelings flow. I’m not a mother or a husband or a 7-year old boy, but this show makes me feel like I’m ALL OF THEM at the same time. The Braverman’s are the greatest family on television, and we should all only hope to be invited to one of their kooky dinner parties. But only after we’ve cried a lot, enough to fill up a mason jar, because that’s the hip thing these days, right?

There you have it. My life tonight. So very diverse: sports, comedy, and crying.

I only hope you have just as productive of a night as moi.

Happy Galentine’s Day! The 5 Best Femaleships in Hollywood.

It’s the day before Valentine’s Day, which means today the female race is prepping either for depression or excitement. I’m sure no matter what the emotion is, we’ll all read about it on Facebook with accompanying pictures of flowers, candies, or single-lady wine.

So let’s hold off preparing for the onslaught of attention seekers and take some time to celebrate us ladies! I don’t give a shit if you have a boyfriend, husband, girlfriend, booty call, nobody, or an animal lover (just don’t EVER tell me), today is about breasties before testies, ovaries before brovaries, uteruses before duderuses.

In light of the best day ever, I’m counting down the five greatest female friendships in Hollywoodland, according to yours truly. That’s me! (Because it’s the only opinion that matters on this blog.)

LET’S KICK IT.

5. Oprah Winfrey & Gayle King

image source: people.com

I mean, duh. They aren’t number one because these two ladies are such a mainstay over the past five billion years that it’s just not fair to the rest of the famous females to give them the top spot. But rest assured, there’s always a reserved space for Oprah and her King.

4. Tiffani Thiessen & Jennie Garth

image source: usmagazine.com

Can you believe Kelly Kapowski/Valerie Malone and Kelly Taylor are real life BFFs?? This is a match made in ’90s heaven! The Kellys may have been mortal enemies on 90210, but they’ve been gal pals since Kelly 1 started on set with Kelly 2. They just make me feel so old and wonderful, my childhood is just squealing with glee inside!

3. Nicole Kidman & Naomi Watts

image source: theworldofcelebrity.com

THESE TWO. They’re like Winnie the Pooh and Piglet, but only in height. N-squared met and best-friended each other before becoming two of the most talented and refined actresses in the fucking world. My GAWD – can you imagine being a gigantic acting heavyweight with your BFF? I bet they play Barbies together using their award statues they’ve racked up between them.

2. Jennifer Aniston & Courtney Cox

image source: huffingtonpost.com

This best friendship is literally a dream come true. The fact that Rachel Green and Monica Geller are real life BFFs simply makes life better and unicorns exist. They both went through very public divorces/breakups and are still individually hugely successful. They’re just like, Ohh heyyyy, we’re hangin’ out in Cabo being massively talented old co-stars together and still humungous celebrities of television and movies. NO BIG DEAL. And you know what they say: friends who vacation together, stay together. Unless you’re Taylor Swift.

1. Amy Poehler & Tina Fey

image source: tressugar.com

LET’S BE A TRIPOD GODDAMMIT. Was it really much of a surprise I’d have them at the top spot? Knope. ‘Nuff said.

image source: tumblr.com

‘Burbs And The City: 10 Distinct Differences Between The Burbs & The City

Carrie Bradshaw was specifically a NYC gal and loathed the idea of suburbia. She’s certainly not alone in this way of life – some people love the bustling of people on the street side while others love the bustling of trees on the median in the road. It’s just a simple matter of taste – you either love city living, or the thought of living in a city of millions irritates the shit out of you.

But no one talks much about the people who live in the ‘burbs and work in the city. These people, myself included, are experiencing a bit of both, and I think there are pros and cons to living in either environment. But that being said, when you work with a bunch of people who live in the city and you’re from the ‘burbs, you suddenly starting feeling like you’re not speaking their language.

From my experience of living in the East Bay and working in San Francisco, there are a few instances that have left me feeling curious, confused, and crotchety (alliteration!). And what better way to express myself than with the facial expressions of Parks & Recreation‘s Ben Wyatt? Thus, here are 10 reasons why I’m looking at you city folk mid-conversation like:

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1.  Street names – I DON’T KNOW THEM. When I politely ask you where you live in the city and you tell me your cross streets, I’m just like –

 

2.  I know SF is split into neighborhoods, but when you say Richmond, I’m thinking murder.

 

3.  I get it – YOU LOVE GOING OUT TO EAT. No, I probably won’t ever get around to eating there, because I’ll be too busy munching on my Sara Lee, self-made, very plain turkey sandwich.

 

4.  I ride BART everyday. No, I don’t need your sympathies because I have a BART buddy – it’s name is Game of Thrones.

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5.  I can play volleyball (poorly) in my backyard – YOU MAD, BRO?

 

6.  I’m sure you’re going to that bluegrass, underground-now-mainstream concert event thing this weekend in Golden Gate Park, right? Thought so. I’ll be at home, doing my thang.

 

7.  What’s it like to get drunk and be able to call a taxi for a ride home? Pretty sure us ‘burb buddies draw straws for a DD. That 20 minute drive home on the freeway can get pretty nasty.

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8.  You own a scooter, right? Awesome! No, I definitely can’t drive any kind of scooter around unless I wanted to face certain death on the freeways full of diesel fueled SUVs.

 

9.  If you really want a true summer that’s balls out hot as hell, come on over to my neck of the woods and see how your light cardigan fares as we take turns sticking our faces in the freezer.

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10.  There are no naked men in the East Bay, therefore there are no laws being written about whether public penises should be pantsed.

 

BONUS!

11.  You might have dozens of movies set in your city, but us Concordians have Tom Hanks. TOM FUCKIN HANKS.

Just Living Out My Dream Of Being Leslie Knope…

I present to you, a very Huddler Halloween!

A few of us got together and took on the spectacular personas of the Parks & Recreation cast. Basically it was a dream come true and now I’m craving waffles with a mountain of whipped cream.

First, the inspiration:

 

And now, the final result. I think Ron Swanson would even approve.

 

From the left: Ben Wyatt, April Ludgate, Ron Swanson, Andy Dwyer, Leslie Knope, Chris Traeger, Tom Haverford, Jean-Ralphio, and Ann Perkins.

 

Happy Halloween everyone!

This Kid Really Loves Bacon.

I found something delicious on Reddit this morning.

Someone posted their 6th grade students’ work because, well…that’s what people do on the internet these days. They share too much.

Anyway, I think this kid is going to go far in life.

 

 

He will also – for sure – have some heart problems, but bacon is really the way to go in terms of meats that’ll shut your life down – amiright? It’s just so damn good.

As for his grammar? He’s okay, and, for a 6th grader, he’s further along than most of the people whose Facebook/text messages I put on blast yesterday.

My advice for little Kevin Bacon here:  always be prepared.