This Post Is Punderful.

Today I’m trying to get over my disappointment that Ryan Gosling wasn’t anointed as our new Pope. It’s fucking depressing. But I know the perfect way to get over it.

Today is Pi Day, which means – for me – eating pie. Real actual pie. None of this math bullshit.

some kind of elvish

I encourage everyone to celebrate this magnificent day in the most scientific and mathematical way possible. By eating pie. Even the Prez is into it.


But who wouldn’t? It’s PIE.

Anyway, to make myself feel better about this whole Ryan not being Pope fiasco (more like TRAGEDY), I’ve decided pie and puns will ease my pain.

Since I can’t physically eat pie on my blog, here are 7 puns to bandage our depression and try to be happy for the Argentinian Pope Francis I.








God, I feel SO much better now. No longer feeling popeless.


18 Reasons Why Ryan Gosling Should Be The Next Pope.

This is really a no-brainer.

Ryan grew up in a Mormon household, but let’s just ignore that fact and move on. It’s obvious that he’s extremely well equipped for the job and would convert the entire female population of the world to not only attend church, but also instigate the most flourishing women-centric population to ever live in Vatican City. For God, of course.



Is there anything in the recent past that has proven how good God can be than the existence of Ryan Gosling? He’s turned atheists into believers. I can imagine someone who hadn’t really given religion much thought saw Ryan in The Notebook and was like, “Miracles are fucking REAL.” If anyone can turn water into wine, one loaf of bread into millions, and cold loins into burning ones, it’s Ryan Gosling.

Let’s go over 18 reasons why this man would make a perfect pope.

1. He’s so hot.



2. He can work the hat.

ryan in pope hat



3. He looks amaaaaaazing in red.




4. His resume already proves his experience as a leader.




5. He looks great on a chair.

ryan face chair


6. He can totally pull off pope slippers.

ryan in pope shoes



7. He loves his mom whose name is Donna. (Ma + Donna = MADONNA THE VIRGIN MARY WHAAAA?!)


ryan with his mom


8. He knows God forgives.

only god forgives



9. He’s good with babies and the pope gets thrown babies constantly.

ryan with baby


10. He’s non-violent and isn’t afraid to break up a fight in a tank top.

rayn stops fight


11. He loves pancake breakfasts.



12. He knows how to keep a steady job.



13. He can handle the rain. LET’S PUT HIM THERE.

ryan in rain


14. He could drive his own pope mobile.




15. Ryan saves.

Ryan saves woman



16. He looks phenomenal on magazine covers.



17. He can close one eye WHILE keeping the other one open.

ryan one eye


18. I don’t know what I was talking about anymore.


I rest my case.

Ryan Godsling