A Lesson In Humility, By Robert Downey, Jr.

Last night, I made the great life choice to watch the Cornetto Trilogy – Shaun of the DeadHot Fuzz, and The World’s End. All three directed by Edgar Wright and led by Simon Pegg and Nick Frost.

It was a delightful five hours of British genius (highly recommended), in which Americans will fantasize about all the things we wish we were. Everything just sounds better in British. If only there was a little BAP feature – much like SAP – where we could make all television and movies suddenly super Bri’ish.

Let’s get back on track, though. The point of this is The World’s End was bloody brilliant (I’m in the zone) and these celebrity endorsements are legit.

Especially RDJ’s.

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It’s just sooooooooooo RDJ.

Sometimes, you know when the PR peeps have created their own pull quotes from celebrities, but this one – indisputably RDJ.

Bobby DJ?

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iloveyou.

10 Reasons Why I Need To Be Friends With Bradley Cooper.

I have had an epiphany.

Usually, all one needs to do is meet Kevin Bacon in order to know every celebrity on the planet. But there are a lot of celebrities in this world, many of whom I don’t exactly care to rub elbows with. So think of Kevin Bacon as the celebrity lottery guy and you have 10 famous folks in your head that you’d really, REALLY want to meet, but because he knows everyone you might get stuck with Angelina Jolie, and she’ll force you to bottle your blood and lick her Malaysian child before you’re able to shake her hand.

So in an effort to avoid the likes of Angelina Jolie, it’s recently come to my attention – after an unashamedly long time spent Googling celebrity names – that Bradley Cooper is my ticket to meeting all the famous people I’d want to split a lunch tab with (as long as lunch is at Subway).

Let me first start off by saying, it’s Bradley Cooper, so I’m pretty fucking excited about this prospect.

Second, do you think he’d let me call him Coop? Like in The OC? Maybe? Probably not.

Let’s kick this list off, shall we?

1. Ryan Gosling

I don’t know why I’m not between them right now.

2. Wet Hot American Summer cast

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All of them. I would know ALL OF THEM. Amy Poehler (which would lead to a best friendship with Rashida Jones and Tina Fey, of course), Paul Rudd, Ken Marino, Elizabeth Banks, Michael Ian Black, Molly Shannon – the list goes on! I’d be killing so many birds with one Coop.

3. These guys.

This picture happened and I don’t know why I’m not being held sideways by them. REDO.

4. Jennifer Aniston

They used to date (Whaaaaaaaaa?) but now they’re friends and I must be their third. My cheek would totally fit here, pressed on the other side of Coop’s face.

5. Ryan Gosling

That’s right. TWICE.

6. Jennifer Lawrence

If you have to ask, then you don’t know me at all and weren’t aware that I’m actively stalking her (on the internet) until we become best friends.

7. No Shirt Party with Leo DiCaprio

JESUS CHRIST. It’s pretty obvious in this picture that Leo is disappointed I’m not there.

8. Ben Affleck AND Emma Stone

Are you fucking kidding me? Bradley Cooper – CALL ME.

9. Robert Downey Jr.

LET ME IN TO YOUR CLUB.

10. Ryan Gosling

I understand they didn’t take this picture together but it doesn’t fucking matter. And yes, THRICE.

So it’s pretty clear that Bradley Cooper is the new Kevin Bacon of my life, and I hope we bump into each other on the outskirts of town and are like, “Oh hey, cool shoes!” and he’s like, “Aren’t you that magnificently gifted blogger?” And then we become friends and trade off hosting game nights with ALL OF THE ABOVE.

And everything will be stripping games. For the men. Because, feminism.

NERDGASM! “Iron Man 3” Trailer Released.

Omg. OMG. O-M-G.

I have so many emotions, but the main reaction that really sticks out in my head is FUCKING AWESOME. It’s going to be a wonderful birthday month for yours truly.

Mr. Stark, why don’t you step up here and make us pee our pants in excitement.